Dragonball Z Pairings of the Apocalypse!
by nedthejanitor
Summary: This fanfic is going to take you through some of the most patently gross, awful, or just stupid pairings in Dragonball Z fanfiction history. Read at your own risk.
1. Gohan and Cell

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z.

Hello. My name is Ned. I'm a janitor, I janitate things. With this fanfic, I'm going to take you through the worst of the worst (IMHO) when it comes to DBZ pairings. Throughout this chapter and the following 19 chapters, I am going to shove your face into the black hole of the internet that you will still be unable to completely comprehend when we reach the end of our dark journey. All of these pairings will be 100 percent true, I've seen these pairings in fanfiction before. Our first one is a strange, gross pairing that's receiving a bunch of undeserved attention. A very creepy pairing, one that may give the lil' childens (yes I spelled that wrong on purpose) nightmares: Gohan/Cell. Yes, you read me right. Hold your vomit for the fanfic, please.

Gohan was watching his father battle Cell in the world tournament. He bit his lip bloody, nervousness written in every crease of his face. Gohan wanted for Cell to quit destroying cities, absorbing people, and threatening to annihilate all living things. But, far more strangely, he just wanted Cell. Period.

Gohan didn't really have a clue why he was having these feelings for an android that has wings, green lizard skin, some horns on his head, and a general hatred for all living creatures. Gohan believed it had something to do with his teenage hormones or some shit that really had absolutely nothing to do with it and it's someone just beating around the bush (FUNNY MASTURBATION JOKE HAR HAR) and trying to come up with an excuse for getting way too much into HAWT android-lizard on boy AKCHION! But, Gohan digressed.

How would that work? A romantic or even, uh, sexual relationship with a being like Cell. Gohan wondered at this. I mean, it's obvious that Cell wasn't created by Dr. Gero to be a love machine. Just look at him. And yet, Gohan continued to stare dreamily at Cell and make people who are more "mundane" want to barf out their cheetos in shock and sickness. Staring, staring...

"Gohan, wake up!" Goku shouted, now standing right next to the confused boy.

"Uh... I'm okay," said Gohan dumbly.

"Is something the matter?"

"Oh, erm, no, I was just looking at, uhm... driveway."

Goku raised his eyebrows. "Cell must be hypnotizing him, the sick freak. Well, my son's gonna make him scream while he wipes the floor with him!"

"Oh, God..."

"Go out there and show Cell what you're made of!"

Gohan was getting really tired of his father's thinly-veiled sexual metaphors, he didn't need that right now! The half-saiyan floated cautiosuly down to face what was both his greatest nightmare and his potential soulmate. After about three episodes of staring each other down, Gohan began powering up, trying his absolute damnedest to hide the fact that he was having these feelings for this insane villain.

As Cell proceeded to pound Gohan into a moldering lump of fetid mush, it only made Gohan fall more in love with him. Which was strange, because, usually, punching would be the death-knell to a hopeful relationship. Cell finally knocked the little brat into a big rock. As Gohan dug out of the pile of rubble, Piccolo began whining to Goku and setting up a big humiliating "WRONG HE'S ALIVE HA HA" for Piccolo to have to be embarrassed at for many seconds to come. Gohan finally pushed out of the rocks and, bleeding out of his forehead with all of the force of a sprinkler, made Cell even more hungry to pimp-smack Gohan into the ground. But this was it. The tween had more than enough of this meaningless game. He made his way back over to Cell, the whole time failing to make eye contact.

"You have a lot of stamina, I'll give you that," Cell sneered. "Why don't you just save me the trouble and get back into that pile of rock so I can finish killing your friends?"

"Cell," Gohan began shakily, "I don't want to fight you. My dad thinks I can defeat you by tapping into my hidden energy, but... I can't make that happen. I want to make peace. I want the whole world to live in a magical fairy-princess land with horses and unicorns, shiny happy people and pretty smiling faces-"

"Hey, dumbass, my face is up here." Cell barked at the child, impatient will all of his posturing but, in typical DBZ villain fashion, way too lazy and overconfident to just finish off the much weaker fighter.

"Oh, oops."

Gohan's face was bleeding and twitching at about this point, he wasn't just blushing, that wouldn't be nearly obvious enough. Cell just stood there and chuckled at the boy, interpreting his nervousness as a realization that he was about to die. With all of the bleeding sweat, the idiot was practically doing his job for him. Finally, Gohan's saiyan impulses, or stupidity if you want to put it in more accurate terms, took over his hormonal body and the last hope for humanity layed a big kiss on Cell's face. Now, if this were the real DBZ series, Cell would at this point proceed to choke Gohan to death with his own intestines and Goku would probably either try to stop him or Vegeta would help him. I vote Vegeta, Goku would probably blow himself up in shame. Instead, Cell develops feelings for him and kisses back, they become an item, GOKU DOESN'T DISOWN GOHAN LIKE HE DAMN WELL SHOULD, Gohan and Cell get a big church wedding, Hercule dies of a drug overdose, and we all live happily ever after.

Except you. You just had your eyes raped. Enjoy it? Try writing it.

THE END


	2. Goku and Vegeta

Disclaimer: Believe me, by the time this is over, you'll WISH that I owned Dragonball Z.

Hello. I'm back with another chapter oozing with ridiculous OOC pairings and the most disturbing images you will ever witness. Today's big dose of "you've got to be freaking kidding" is a little gem that started when one blind, retarded child with autism, down's syndrome, and a computer typed out a story. A story with this pairing: Goku/Vegeta.

Oh.

My.

God.

Enjoy.

Goku was sitting down, eating breakfast with Chi-Chi and Gohan. Goku had no earthly idea exactly when this was, but if he had to venture a guess, it would be the three-year period when they were training for the arrival of the androids. Goku was acting odd lately; he was always dizzy, skin burning, his tail was starting to grow back, and Vegeta started doing these weird mating dances every time Goku walked by him. He thought it might be something to do with his saiyan biology, or some nitwit getting Inuyasha confused with Dragonball Z.

Either way, he was acting like some kind of damn animal, and he had starting to develop these strong feelings. I mean, stronger than his urge to eat. He couldn't explain these strong feelings, but they seemed to be ones of... lust. And not for his wife, either, oh hell no. A normal pairing every once in a while is asking far too much. He wanted someone else, but he didn't know who... yet...

"Goku," Chi-Chi began to bitch, as was her specialty, "quit scratching your balls at the table... with your FEET!"

"Oh, sorry, honey." (Preteen: grrr chichis a bitch)

Chi-Chi then turned to her son. "GOHAN!"

"Uh... yeah, mom?"

"Do your homework, go study, and for God's sake, turn that Hawthorne Heights crap off!"

Gohan whimpered, mascara running down his face. "No one understands me!"

"Gohan," Goku began, "we understand you... we just don't GET you."

"WAH! I hate you both." Gohan then runs to his room to plug in a Taking Back Sunday CD or some horrible shit like that.

That afternoon, Goku went out for his daily training (read: pummeling sessions) with Piccolo and Emohan, but he couldn't concentrate. He was thinking about Vegeta, of all people, and as the training went on farther and farther he started putting less and less effort into it.

Finally, Piccolo noticed Goku's distracted state. "Hey, Goku, try not to stare off into another direction while we're training... with your FEET!"

Goku shook his head rapidly, trying to get his head in the metaphorical game. "Oh, okay. Uh... I need to go use the restroom first."

"Hurry back."

Goku decided at this point that it wouldn't end until he got to the bottom of these odd instincts that were taking over his life, so he took off in the direction of Capsule Corp., stopping only to take a piss. As he was almost there, Piccolo caught up with him and angrily demanded some answers.

"Why are you going to Bulma's house, Goku?"

"Uh... I require nourishment?"

"What's going on, Goku? You've been acting insane lately and we can't have you doing a bunch of weird, unnecessary and time-consuming things while we're training for the androids. After all, you know what happened with Nappa and Vegeta.

"...What?"

Piccolo quickly went into damage control mode. "Never mind. Tell me what's going on with you."

Goku put his hands behind his back and looked down at his feet, trying not to make eye contact with his green pal. "I'm having these feelings for... you know..."

"Oh... I see. No, wait, I don't, not at all, I don't have females on my planet."

"No, not a female."

"...What the hell? Wait, you can't possibly mean-"

Goku lifted his head to look directly into Piccolo's eyes and nodded. "Yes. Him."

Piccolo immediately began to choke on his own vomit and he was forced to float into the forest below and expel all of his disgust orally and rectally. Yes, he found Goku/Vegeta so disgusting that it gave him the shits as well as the pukes.

Emohan, at this point just now catching up with Piccolo, pouted at Goku's newfound crush. "Great, now the kids in school have another reason to pick on me."

"You don't go to school."

"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! BOO-FRICKITY-HOO!" He then flew off to listen to some Underoath shit.

"My whiny-baby son is RIGHT! I must find Vegeta and tell him about my feelings."

And the sane readers said "Yuck." Goku dashed over to Capsule Corp, but he did begin to worry halfway to the training pod because he knows Vegeta is about to get married to Bulma, and the only thing stronger than Goku is… Bulma, with the possible exception of ChiChi. However, with no incident, Goku made it to the doorway of Vegeta's training pod and shakily knocked on the door.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Goku!"

Vegeta sneered. "Goku who?"

"Answer the door."

Vegeta opened the door, a disdainful look for the fellow Saiyan on his face.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I've been having these feelings lately."

"You're a worthless excuse for a saiyan, Kakarot. You aren't supposed to have feelings."

Goku balled his fists in frustration at the other man. "I mean physically!"

"What's that smell?"

"Um, this is right about the part where I and the readers find out that saiyans go through heat, because that's the only excuse the author can come up with-"

"My God, Kakarot, you're going through heat… WITH YOUR FEET!"

"TAKE ME NOW, YOU STUD!"

Vegeta tackled Goku, pulled down his pants, leaned in and… you hit the back button.

THE END… OF YOUR FAITH IN HUMANITY


	3. Goten and Trunks

**Disclaimer: Mah butt itchez. Don't own Dragonball Z.**

_Hello, welcome to the third chapter of my little mind-bending introduction to psychosis. Before we start, I just wanted to say that I am not homophobic. The only reason all the pairings so far have been gay is because they are either horrific and disturbing (Gohan/Cell, and today's chapter) or completely impossible and silly (Goku/Vegeta). I just wanted to get that out of the way so nobody got the right idea, and yes, I do have some straight pairings I plan on doing. Today's pairing is a completely disgusting, unbelievable pairing. It is incredibly gross. Are you ready for it?_

_Majin Buu saga Goten/Trunks (VOMIT GURGLE COLLAPSE TWITCH)_

_R&R_

(EIGHT YEAR OLD) Trunks was having a typical training session with his hetero (not for long) life partner (SEVEN YEAR OLD) Goten a few days before the World Martial Arts Tournament. Sometimes during their sparring matches, both of the mini half-saiyans wondered to themselves if what they were doing could be considered training or just maiming each other for 8 hours for the sake of a convenient power increase. Oh, well, the point is, today was so absolutely, boringly, painfully average day that there was no way in the flaming iron bars of HELL that anything slightly out of the ordinary could have ever been predicted that day. EVER!

And then it happened.

Goten flew at Trunks and headbutted the absolute _shit _out of Trunks' face. Trunks was on the verge of tears as he could feel the blood coming out of his nose, mouth and forehead. But, more oddly, he could also feel Goten's lips press against his for a split second and was astonished by this strange, new feeling. However, the fact was that the purple-haired kid was in too much pain to not be pissed off.

"Oww, jeez! What in Kami's name did you do THAT for, Goten?"

"Oh, Trunks, I'm sorry! Please don't be mad, okay? I've felt this way for a long time now and I have a cr-

"No, stupidhead, why did you headbutt me?"

Goten sighed, relieved that Trunks was only angry because his _skull got cracked. _"Oh, uh, a hehe- that- that was an accident."

"Yeah, which is why you said 'think fast' before you did it, you stupid retard!"

"I couldn't stop myself! I hope this doesn't affect our friendship!"

Trunks growled and waved him away in the direction of Capsule Corp.. "Go get me some bandages, now!"

Goten smiled stupidly. "Okay, I'll be right back!"

"You'd better."

Goten flew toward Capsule Corp. feeling a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to _break the ever-loving hell _out of Trunks' face, he just wanted to peck him on the mouth to see how it felt. Now he was having a deep internal struggle and his nervousness was getting worse. Goten just knew that as soon as Trunks was okay he would- Oh, God…

BLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH! SPLATTER!

Goten felt a small amount of relief, but he still had some butterflies inside his stomach and, ever closer to Bulma and Vegeta's house, Goten began weeping, an action which doesn't really invoke any emotion from the readers. He finally got to Capsule Corp. after several pissing, bitching, and whining sessions with himself that go on for far too long than they have any right to go. Once there, Goten told Bulma about how he _turned Trunks' face into a cherry Kool-Aid dispenser _and Bulma ponied up the First-Aid kit from the _emergency room. _Goten flew back to Trunks, who by now was _about a quarter 'til dead _and managed to sculpt his face into a reasonable shape.

Trunks was about to really lay into Goten, but then he remembered the kiss and his semi-deformed face began to blush. "Goten, uh… thank you. I guess."

"Umm, uhh, erm, ahem, no, duh, ohh, d'oh, eh, problem. Uh, awkward laugh ha ha."

Trunks and Goten stared longingly, but nervously, into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever, but in reality it was only about 40 paragraphs, give or take (most likely give). Finally, Goten ponied up with the confession after most of the readers had died from old age. Unfortunately, he did so at a speed that most auctioneers can only dream of attaining.

"_Uh, Trunks, do you want to go out with me and be my boyfriend and play family and have tea parties and play with toys and stuff_?"

"Uh, what the hell did you just say?" Trunks asked, chuckling to himself.

Goten teared up from fear and desperation, "WATCH THE LANGUAGE, MY INNOCENT EARS CAN'T TAKE IT!"

Trunks flew a bit closer to the mini-Goku, managing only to exacerbate the situation with Goten's feuding mind. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

Goten began to feel some o' dat _SAIYAN ANGST. _"No shit, Sherlock!"

"What? What is it, you dummy?"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Goten prepared for the beating of a lifetime. Instead, Trunks tackled him to the ground, which was about several thousand feet below them, and kissed him repeatedly, repeating "I love you too" and other such phrases again and again. Keep in mind that we're talking about 8-year-old Trunks. Also, keep in mind that my eyes are beginning to liquefy in my skull, so I'd better get some thanks for this shit. Unfortunately, Trunks also accidentally choked Goten to death by leaving his elbow on his neck. Goten laid dead on the grass.

"Goten? Goten, wake up! Please, Goten, you can't die! We were just about to go into the M-rated second chapter where we explore each other's bodies! NOOO!"

Trunks bawled like a bitch and cried on top of his lost boyfriend, Goten, while most of the sick-ass readers expressed disappointment that there would be no second chapter.

THE SAD END!


	4. Pan and Bra

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, but I've never understood that stupid Z at the end of the name.**

_Hello, welcome to Chapter 4 of the closest you will ever get to hell while being alive. Today's juicy piece of dook pie is a hilariously pitiful attempt at Yuri in Dragonball Z: Pan and Bra. It isn't really that bad of a pairing, once you get past the fact that they're both flat as hell, but I'm doing it because this chapter is a special one; it's basically a direct parody of Shusays' "Comfort," but it's a parody, so I can't be sued. Enjoy._

Pan was spending time with her abusive dickhead boyfriend Prescott in his shitty apartment. Prescott and Pan had met a year ago from today when Prescott was having explosive diarrhea and vomiting at the same time because he poured a bunch of whiskey into a bowl of beans. Needless to say, Pan found this mesmerizing behavior positively charming, and soon the two idiots were dating. The problem was that Prescott was becoming more and more sex-hungry with each passing minute. For example, this little incident in the coffee shop a few months back:

"This coffee shop has the best coffee in town!" Pan said all giggly-like.

Prescott smiled in a way that would remind one of the grinch. "You know what would taste great with this coffee?"

"What, Pressy?"

"You would."

Pan's eyes narrowed angrily. "Oh, Prescott, I told you I'm not ready!"

"What the shit?" Prescott slammed his fists down on the table, causing a full cup of hot coffee to drop into Pan's virgin lap. "You come to my house every day wearing a paper-thin mini skirt and a shirt that's had the entire bottom half cut off, but the idea of sex nine months into our relationship makes you squirm?"

"I-I just don't think I'm ready."

Prescott scoffed (say that five times really fast.) "Whatever. Bitch."

So one can discern from this example is that our good friend Prescott is a smooth operator with an even smoother name. Well, on the particular night our story is set in, Pan decided to break out the vodka because it's always fun to read about a presumed-innocent DBZ character getting absolutely shit-out wasted and even more fun to write about.

"Hey, baby, this vodka is making you look even sexier," Prescott slurred.

"You haven't even drank any yet."

"...Oh."

An hour later, Pan and Prescott sitting on Prescott's stained-ass bed. They were both drunker than (INSERT A-LIST CELEBRITY NAMES HERE). They were making out so hard, the neighbors downstairs had to change their sheets, if you know what I mean. And I think you do, because I'm laying it on pretty thick. Pan finally broke the kiss, thus violating Rule 13B in the Unwritten Book of Being As Drunk As Hell: When you're making out drunk with your sex-crazed boyfriend, don't just break it off without warning.

"I need to go home, it's time for Sailor Moon."

Prescott lightly grasped Pan's shoulder. "You can watch it here while you're beneath me, sweetie."

"Prescott, please, don't start up tonight."

His grip tightened and he screamed, with all of his horrid breath, into Pan's face. "Bitch, you're doing it tonight, or my name is Prescott!"

"It is!"

"Oh...," the stupid young man let go, "good night, then."

"See you tomo-"

Prescott, realizing his error, grabbed Pan's hand and held tight before she could leave.

"Get over here, _now!_"

"Oh, the horror, who'd have thought that my sex-obsessed boyfriend would force himself on me if he got drunk?"

Prescott slam-dunked Pan onto the bed and pinned her down. About this point would be the time where readers would ask to themselves, "Self, why wasn't the super-powered granddaughter of Goku fighting back?" Well, because Pan was too drunk and stupid to power up! Oh, whatever would she do?

Meanwhile, Bra was flying around, asking no one in particular why she had such a stupid-ass name. As she was flying around, she happened to look over and notice Pan's boyfriend, Prescott, ripping Pan's clothes off in his apartment on the 73rd floor. She rushed in and used her dad's Galick Gun (read: for Bra, basically a thimble of light barely strong enough to register a blip in any of the weaker Z Fighters' mind scouters) to burn the flesh off of Prescott's back. She then proceeded to kick him in the groin one time, completely mutilating his genitals beyond recognition. After punching and kicking him repeatedly in the stomach and face, and at one point making him hit himself in the face while she mockingly told him to "quit hitting himself," she tossed him out of the window, where a dump truck nailed the dick out of him upon his landing. Literally. At least, what was left of it. The driver of the dump truck got out, took Prescott's wallet and shoes and backed over him. It was not the end of Prescott.

"Oh, are you okay?" Bra asked Pan.

"Hey, Bra. I'd be better if you'd quit staring at my chest."

"We'd better get you home, chest! That son of a bitch boyfriend of yours was not good enough for you! Up, up, and a BOOB!"

Bra flew off to Capsule Corp. with the half-naked Pan in her arms. When she got there, she took the drunk girl to her room and laid her down on her one-person bed. Then she laid right next to her, but not without giving her a good-night frencher first. Yeah, Bra was basically even more sex-crazed than Prescott, wasn't she? Get used to it, it's about the only lesbian DBZ pairing you'll ever see other than something really weird like Android 18/Videl or just stupid like Mai/Bulma. It's cute, though, isn't it?

THE END!


	5. Bulma and Piccolo

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z, but I can never get back the hours of time I used to watch it. I simply think of what I could have done with all of that time, like invent the wheel or something.**

_Hello, welcome to Chapter 5 of our troublesome tales of terrifying titillation. Today's big mistake is a pairing where two or three of the stories that I've read about was the result of a lost bet between the DBZ Girls. Whereas normal people force each other to eat dry leaves or make out with one another, the DBZ girls decide to introduce Piccolo to vagina. Welcome to a new trend forming: Bulma/Piccolo._

_Enjoy the show._

Bulma and the girls were hanging around on top on Kami's Lookout, playing that card game. You know. _That _card game. No, not Strip Poker or Strip Blackjack, you pervert dicks! I'm referring to regular old-fashioned five-card Poker, you stupid jerkfaces! Hey, wait, come back, I'm sorry! Please don't quit reading, it'll be great, I promise! You'll get your lulz and then you can go visit your furry websites later! Ah, that's better. Oh, by the way, ChiChi's normal dialogue will be amended slightly to make it more interesting, because there's just no way in hell I'm going to write any serious dialogue for the crazy bitch until later in the series.

"HA HA ROYAL FLUSH BEAT THAT HO" declared Chi-Chi.

"Uh, ChiChi," Videl began, much to her discomfort, "those are Yu-Gi-Oh cards."

"UM BRAD PITT IS TEH SECKS"

Bulma pouted, "All I got was a pair…"

ChiChi: HAW HAW HAW DANGLY PARTS

"… of deuces."

"Okay, Bulma, you've lost 183 games in a row, you've lost your car, your home, Trunks is a male prostitute now, and Vegeta is seeing someone behind your back because you bet your marriage papers." Android 18 explained to the blue-haired lady. "And I'm the one he's seeing, because watching him beat Semi-Perfect Cell's ass was an experience that Krillin could never match in bed. Keep playing?"

"183? BLINK-183! SEE THEM I WILL, AFTER CLEAN DISPOSAL I JUST SMOKED A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRACK LOL"

Bulma stood up, determined more than ever before. This was it. This 184th game would be the one she _dominated _in! "You're right, ChiChi, I shouldn't give up! I'm betting my dignity this time!"

"#4Y L3T5 P4R3 #UR UP VV1T# 50M30N3 R34LY GR05 L0L0MG 4RNT 1 CL3V4R SYVEUO MNMNMNMSJWOPJK" Chi-Chi babbled while arching her back out of shape in an attempt to lick her own anus, which served exactly the same purpose as her mouth; expelling waste.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Videl said. "Bulma, if you lose this game, you gotta make Piccolo look pretty."

"KJEROISGOPJISERFER"

Android 18 sneered. "Hey, when did ChiChi the hillbilly start being deep?"

"HEBPCBPAFUCKYOU18LEN: THE FINGER YEH"

Needless to say, in match 184, everyone beat the everlasting fuck out of the incompetent Bulma. Even ChiChi. Hell, especially ChiChi. Her Blue Eyes White Dragon dominated the entire match, and yes, I AM very ashamed that I still know the name of that card, thank you very much for asking. Bulma has to ensure that her dignity completely shattered, and by proxy is now forced to go… uh… make Piccolo look pretty. I haven't the foggiest idea how any human being alive regardless of experience is going to do that, honestly, but let's try it anyway. It can't be any more disastrous than the time Vegeta lost a bet and had to attempt to make Krillin useful.

"O WAIT I HAVE A COMPLETLY RIDICULOS EXPLULNATIN UM YEH IY ENTERED A MAGAZIN COMPETITTIEON UND IT INVOLVS 'PRETYING UP A GEYE' SEW UM GOPHER IT BULMA"

"ChiChi, your words have touched me. As Kami is my witness, I will go make Piccolo (THINLY VEILED SECKS REFERENCE)."

Bulma walked slowly, seductively, over to Piccolo. The poor unsuspecting shmuck was in the middle of meditating, or more realistically, sleeping while floating in mid air. Hell, what are you going to do up on Kami's lookout? Something interesting or non-plot related? Give me a fucking break. Oddly enough (I know, in this story?), Bulma started noticing Piccolo in a… ROMANTIC HEART HEART HEART sort of way. Piccolo's green, scaly-ass alligator skin just made her feel two things: A. Better about herself and B. INFATUATED BEYOND HER WILDET IMAGINATION. As Bulma urged her shaking feet towards Piccolo, her primal urges took over, mainly because of MY primal urge to end this God-forsaken chapter before I make myself too sick to write anymore and I force myself to go on hiatus (Winter Break) again.

Bulma jumped onto Piccolo and, basically, half-raped him. I say "half" because, in rape, the victim is normally helpless and Piccolo is FAR too strong to just be taken down like that, even by the shrieking Bulma. Piccolo, Bulma would later find out, wanted to explore this newfound thing called love (sex). Needless to say, they hit it off great, despite Piccolo knowing jack shit about relationships and having to deal with Vegeta once he found out this OMG CLEVAR PLOT TWIST. Sadly, the good times didn't last long and the loving couple, after two hours of marriage, divorced due to money problems (Vegeta blowing up the bank holding their money). Isn't love adowable? Don't you think?

"LUV ISH TEH AWESUM. WEN I WERE HES AJE-"

SHUT THE HELL UP, CHICHI!

"BOUT I WAHTED TO TEILL U UHBOUT-"

CHICHI, DON'T MAKE ME FORCE YOU TO READ DOMINATION AGAIN

"...Shutting up now."

THE END!

Sorry for the delayed update. I took a little time off to think about what I will write next, not just in this story, but all my others.


	6. Goku and Bulma

**Disclaimer: Well, Dragonball Z is pretty much property of the richest man on earth. THE RICHEST MAN ON EARTH DOESN'T USE A CRAPPY EMACHINES COMPUTER TO WRITE FANFICTION, NOW, DOES HE? Why do you people upset me so?**

_Okay, we're back with another phenomenally (boy I hope I spelled that right... ) bad pairing that I'm bringing to your attention. Now, we were first introduced to Goku in episode one of Dragonball which was the original series that came before Dragonball Z. In the start of this series, he was about 12 or 13, right? And that's not even getting into his mental age at that time, which was more than likely about 8. Anyways, he was almost ran over by Bulma in her piece of shit Jeep thing or whatever, and thus Bulma and him went on wacky adventures, did they not? Bulma was 17 or 18, if I remember correctly. So..._

_WHICH ONE OF YOU MADE SLEAZY ROMANCE/HENTAI FICS ABOUT THE TWO OF THEM? BECAUSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND BONK YOU ON THE NOGGIN, GOD HELP ME!_

_So yes, today's pairing is Goku and Bulma. Enjoy._

Bulma was just lounging around in her bathrobe at Capsule Corp., a bathrobe which once belonged to an eight-year-old midget dwarf who had anorexia and was, roughly, eight inches tall. So, yeah, it was a little revealing. But, only enough for a nasty hobo to jack it to, that's all, no problem. Oh, yeah, and a possible 4chan post that is appreciated and yet readily ignored before too long, but whatever. Okay, so Bulma's just laying around on her enormous fucking (about to be literally used for that) bed reading, when suddenly-

"Hello, Bulma," rang Goku's childish voice, "I came here to naively and conveniently drop by!"

"Oh, hey Goku!"

Goku ran into Bulma's room like a damn fool that can't knock and leapt over to Bulma's bedside. "And what are you doing to- uh, why did you just put your hand on my waist?"

"Oh, sorry." Bulma slowly retracted her hand. "So, Goku, how did you get in here? All the doors are locked and the windows are plexiglas, you would have to have knocked first or-"

"Oh, about that, you'll have to call the construction crew tomorrow," Goku said, scratching the back of his head, "I just got a little frustrated and..."

"So that's why I feel a draft in here." Bulma shrugged it off, getting up from her bed to face Goku at nearly eye-level. Oh well, I'm just glad to see you."

"I was hoping you would be!"

"So... you're getting married tomorrow?" asked Bulma, ducking her head a little bit.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" Goku responded while nodding in a manner that would remind one of an annoyingly-loyal dog. "It's gonna be cool, they're going to have cake at the wedding, which, like marriage, I just now learned yesterday wasn't a food!"

"That's nice. ChiChi's a good girl, and I'm happy... for... you?"

"Wow, Bulma, you sure are grating your teeth loudly!"

"Oh, you noticed that? Yeah, I just got back from the dentist and he told me that I needed to file them down."

"Is that also why your face is red and you have steam coming out of your ears?"

"Yes, because I'm allergic to laughing gas."

"Oh, but wouldn't you be dying if-"

"I'M FINE!" Bulma screamed out.

Goku stared at Bulma, eyeing every inch of her body. Which was pretty easy, since her robe is about 20 sizes too tight in every conceivable area of her body. In fact, that was basically why he was doing it.

"Say, Bulma, did you just get out of the shower?"

"Yes, that's why I'm all wet..." Bulma slurred seductively. This is the part where it gets embarrassing to listen to, since Bulma's about as good at seducing as Vegeta is at not acting like a dick, "oh, that bath made me feel so... _loose__."_

"Oh, I'm sure, since you got that new water heater!"

"You really heat me up too, Goku."

Goku then noticed the white glow that was still surrounding his body. "Oops, forgot to power down."

"No, I want you to take me with all of the power you've got!"

Goku smiled dumbly, "Sure, where do you want me to take you?"

"Ahh... anywhere you want."

"Why are you tickling yourself?"

"Getting ready..."

"Wow, that's very weird. Anyway, I could take you to go see a movie if I weren't getting married."

Bulma realized Goku was utterly oblivious (aka stump-fucking retarded) to her advances, which of course, makes sense because I have previously mentioned that Bulma is as good at being sexy as Tien is at not having three fucking eyes. Knowing now that any form of subtlety, no matter how shitty, would pass over Goku's head as fast as one of Frieza's death beams. So she tried another way.

"Do you remember the wild nights we had two years ago?"

Goku thought for a second while Bulma's hand went to the belt of her impossibly-small robe. "Oh, those ones where I came over and you gave me a drink with a 'magic pill' in it that made me go to dream world, and then I woke up sticky and naked?"

"I'd love to do it again. Just one more time."

Well, the thing is, dream world isn't all it's cracked up to be-"

The last shred of Bulma's patience caught on fire and was swept away like ashes in the wind. "AAAAGGGH! COME HERE!"

Bulma proceeded to inject him with NyQuil, which made him fall asleep in orderly fashion. Then she proceeded to have nasty, passionate sex with his unconscious body. After about 4 hours, she fell asleep as well, and as she woke up next to a restraining order she realized that she would never be able to have another night like that. Yet, she never regretted a thing.

Then a bear came through the hole in the wall and Bulma was never seen again.

THE VERILY END!


	7. Android 17 and Trunks

**Disclaimer: I'm seriously upset that you think I own Dragonball Z. I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PIG!**

_Okay, today's chapter is pretty much one very impossible pairing. Trunks and Android 17. Yep, the boy who went back in time to make sure Android 17 dies having sex with the cyborg who killed all of his friends. Sounds good, right?_

_This is basically a parody of Freakyaoifan's "Too Many Words, None of Them Mine". If you have a strong stomach, read on, but just take note of the fact that it does, in fact, get much worse than this. In fact, compared to the next few chapters of this series, you may as well be reading Care Bears fanfiction written by a 10-year-old female fundamentalist Christian. NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS POSSIBLY RATED M._

Yep, lots of words were racing through Trunks' head right at that moment, that defining moment that just may have been signaling the end of his short life. I can't tell you what most of them were, but they began with "F" and end with "k". That's right, fork. Because he had been there for a long time and, god damn it, he was hungry. So, anyway, Trunks was lying down on the gravel and debris of a destroyed city, bleeding profusely and crying because he decided to attack the androids again after they killed his mummified beef jerky excuse for a mother and they beat him into a puddle of corn flakes. Why? Because he sucks at life, according to him... and me. Oh, yeah, and the millions of voices he has inside his head. Yeah... he should have committed harakiri long before this day even came.

"Wow, so, all my friends and family are dead, I've fought the androids and had my ass handed to me about 10 times and I'm pretty hungry right now. I really don't have much of a reason to live anymore, do I? Well, if I can just reach my sword I can- well, fuck me, it's gone. Oh well, I guess the most logical course of action now is to just lay here and bitch about how much I suck until I bleed to death. Boo hoo, I'm so pathetic, I don't deserve to live, it's not my fault that they're all dead, I get no respect I tells ya. When I was a baby, I was breastfed by my father-"

Suddenly, a force in the form of a blue shoe turned Trunks over onto his back.

"Sup brah?" Android 17 asked the saiyan casually, staring him right in the face. "Are you having a lovely almost dead day?"

"Oh, monkey trumpets! Can't you let me die in peace like all... my... friends?"

Trunks started crying when he realized what he said. His friends had died in excruciating pain and they were probably going to be very pissed at him when he met back up with them in heaven about an hour from this moment.

"Afraid not." Android 17 grinned. "This isn't angst, my friend. If it were, you'd be alone with a razor blade and it would be very drawn-out."

"Well, are you going to finish me off or what?" growled the humiliated purple-haired failure.

"No, I just want to rub your soft, supple, yet oh-so-special nipples for a while."

"Oh, well, I guess that's okay as long as- _wwhhaat?"_

17 laughed maniacally as he sat down on Trunks' waist, pinning the man down. "YOU GONNA GET RAPED!"

And, sure enough, Android 17 slipped off the nearly-paralyzed Trunks' shirt of and started just a-pressin' them titties like Dee Dee saying "Ooh, what does this button dooo?" Trunks was getting a little agitited (HA) and decided to kick Android 17 right in his baby maker, thinking that maybe he could break it. Unfortunately, the only thing he broke was his foot. "OWW! You fucker, are you wearing a codpiece?"

"Nope, I'm afraid not." Android 17 revealed his silvery-metal peen and cherries. "When I told people I had balls of steel, I wasn't whistling dixie... well, I may have done that after the fact, but... y-you know what, let's just jump straight into the ass-ramming rape scene."

So 17 did what you'd expect him to do to Trunks after saying "ass-ramming rape scene," what with the standing up and bending over, the pants-pulling down, the inserting, the thrusting... and that was just in ten seconds!

"You're- OH- a quick- AH- worker, I- OW- can tell- EEK- you that- OOF!"

"You know it, whore."

Trunks was crying out in pain and begging with the young android for mercy, but in the deepest, darkest, secretest confines of his soul... he was starting to ENJOY IT! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the biggest cliche in the history of weird, horrible and nightmarish rape fanfiction has been immortalized in this single moment. After Android 17 was finished with the beaten up Trunks, he bent over in front of him.

"Your turn."

"What the shit?"

"You heard me. Ram it in."

"Dude, your ass stinks."

Android 17 rolled his eyes. "JUST DO IT! Jesus, you're worse than my fucking sister!"

So Trunks decided to do it since he was just going to be bored and for the rest of his natural born life anyways. Funny thing, he was half dead a second ago, but now he was fine. He rammed himself in, and Android 17 said but one thing as the tingle of mutilation began to set in to Trunks dingle of humiliation. Something that would haunt Trunks like a graphic, horrible ghost for the remainder of his miserable life.

"Dr. Gero installed millions of tiny bear traps inside my poop shoot! APRIL FOOLS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Wait... it's almost May! Oh, whatever. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

THE END!


	8. Pan and Trunks

**Disclaimer: Well, here we both are. You are, again, falsely accusing me of owning Dragonball Z, when I very obviously don't. Please. Stop.**

_Hello, I am Ned the Janitor, as you already are aware of, and this is another exciting episode of hellish torture in the form of fanfiction. This time, the pairing isn't that quite horrible, save for the fact that, uh... THEY ARE A FULL DECADE APART IN AGE! Oh, but in this one, I'm parodying Richina L'Italien's "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" where canon gets buttraped to death as the author changes the ages of the characters for the sake of not looking like a pedo-condoner. I'm probably no better canon-wise, so I can't really criticize. HA, THAT RHYMED! Okay, so I'm going to squeeze all four of the story's chapters into a nice bite-sized pill. Here it is: Trunks and Pan. Enjoy._

Bra, Pan, and Marron (or, as the townspeople called them, the "Three Slutkateers" and they're ALL 17 BY THE WAY) were hanging around in Bra's room chittering inanely about how DAMN HOTT Johnny Depp, Elijah Wood, and Gary Busey are.

"I don't like these guys in the magazine," whined Pan, "I want to go spar with Trunks."

"Didn't you spar with him eight minutes ago?" asked Marron.

"I'm having withdrawals."

Bra smirked. "Methinks someone gots a crush on mah bruther lol."

"I do not!"

Suddenly, Trunks (age 18) comes busting through the door like a goddamn battering ram.

"Hi, Pan, let's go beat the hell of each other for three hours!" exclaimed Trunks.

"No," Pan returned, folding her arms. "I'm trying to make a point."

"Hey, did you just age seven years?"

"Uh, no! Don't be silly! He he... anyway, nah, I don't feel like going back to the emergency room."

With that, Trunks playfully gave the playful Pan a playful black eye, and she playfully returned the favor. So, they went outside, giggling like retarded middle-school chipmunks, when Trunks suddenly stopped, an earnest look on his face.

"Why'd you stop, Trunksie?"

"Pan... it's RAPING TIME!"

Trunks pinned the girl down to the ground and began to make out with her furiously, so much so that Trunks mouth was like a vacuum, slowly sucking the saliva right out of Pan's mouth. Pan was enjoying Trunks sudden scary-ass out-of-left-field affection for her, and it was not long before they were grinding into each other like bears that just got back from hibernation. But before they could actually get their clothes off, Bulma yelled that it was time for dinner, apparently because they are in earshot, but she can't plainly see them MAKING OUT. Trunks snapped out of his lust and got up, embarrassed because of his primal saiyan urges (see the pattern yet? Primal saiyan urges equals RAPING TIME), and ran off to eat, leaving Pan behind. Pan got up a moment later, brushed her self off, and followed suit.

"GET YER SUBS!" Bulma shrieked again.

So they did. Pan asked Trunks if she wanted to spar again while they were eating and he grunted in response. That obviously means "YES" in rape-nese. Or anything. Later on that day, before Pan was supposed to go sparring, Bra called.

"Hey, I'm a slut, want to go to a party?"

"I don't know, Trunks jumped me earlier today and-"

"Well, maybe a party with boys who are twenty times more sex-crazed will help you to stop thinking about it! I'll be right over!"

Bra rushed over in roughly twelve seconds with Marron in tow, not to mention 30 pounds worth of make-up in a plastic baggie.

"Here, we're going to give you a makeover!" Marron exclaimed.

SO THEY DID. The makeover was quick, mainly because Bra and Marron just dumped all the make-up onto Pan's body until she vaguely resembled a drunken anorexic mime with a skin disorder. Then they gave her a dress. Then Trunks walked in. Coincidence? HEL YEH.

"Hey, where the p-AAHH?"

Trunks couldn't finish his sentence as Pan had stunned him with her beauty. Remember that description I gave you earlier? Yeah, it hasn't changed. Nice taste in women, Trunks "Constant Beer Goggles" Brief. So, the party commenced on the other side of town. Trunks sat in the corner watching Pan dance with a bunch of dumbass high-school aged drunks. After a while, a drinking game was made of it; every time Trunks saw her dance with another guy he took another drink of his beer. Within 15 minutes, he was almost too drunk to stand. In fact, he was quite lucky to be alive, because he just drank enough beer to get 30 regular people too drunk to say their name. Trunks finally got up from the floor he decided to call his home when he saw Goten with Bra, his beloved street-trash sister. Trunks went and pummeled Goten into deli-meat, but since Goten's stupid, he didn't fight back. Pan finally stopped Trunks after a full three minutes of ass-whoopin'.

"Hi, sexy mime girl..."

"Trunks, my uncle is half-dead and you're drunker than Tom Cruise off his ego! I am so angry, I'm carrying you to a secluded island and assuming you won't hunt me down and rape me five seconds later."

The next morning, Pan went to see Trunks on his island where he was lying next to a mountain of vomit and in the process of eating a bear.

"Pan," Trunks began while shakily getting up and ignoring the worst hangover in world history, "I'm in love with you. Very much so. So much so, in fact, that I decided to make a total jackass out of myself, attempt to rape you, get drunk at a party and beat your brother into a coma in which he may never escape."

Pan smiled. "Oh, Trunks, I love you too!"

Trunks and Pan made out under the sun until… the sun got way too hot, at which point they took their leave from the island of drunken destiny and went back to Trunks' house.

"I need to use the restroom," said Pan, "let go of my ass for a second."

When Pan got back from her 30-second restroom break, she saw Trunks making out with Marron. A SHOCKING TWIST!

"NOO!" bellowed Pan. "You said you loved me, how could you?"

Trunks explained himself. "Pan, I'm not in love with you anymore because, uh… I got the AIDS! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Trunks took to running around, screaming and gargling in a cartoonish manner. Fitting, because Dragonball Z is a cartoon. Of course, Pan didn't believe him and she ran back into the bathroom she just got through stinking up and proceeded to cry, because all women do that. Uh, right? Anyway, she got out after an hour or five of wallowing in her own tears and flew back home to her room where she saw none other than MIRAI TRUNKS!

"Who are you? ARE YOU AN ANDROID?" asked the boy from the future.

"EEK! You asshole, this is my room!"

"Uh… ARE YOU AN ANDROID?"

"No, I'm Pan!" Pan's expression lightened. "Hey, did you get more muscular and hairier since I saw you like five minutes ago?"

"Uh… ANDROID?"

"It doesn't matter! Leave my room, you asshole!"

To make matters worse or better, depending on your point of view, Goku and Gohan walked in.

"Hello, Mirai Tru-" Goku began.

"HAVE YOU SEEN ANY ANDROIDS LATELY?"

"…No." Gohan said after a brief period of awkward silence so prevalent it was choking. "So, Mirai, how has the future been?"

"What the fuck kind of question is THAT? There are three people left after I finally killed the EVIL ANDROIDS OF DEATH AND DESPAIR and they're all male. My mom had a stroke and died, so I just decided to come to the past. ADOPT ME! ANDROID ANDROID AND-"

"Uh… my mother's calling!" Goku said quickly.

"Yeah, my dad's calling!"

So Goku and Gohan left and Mirai Trunks ran after them. Pan finally realized after a little while that there are now two Trunkseses. To make things worse, Mom and Dad have started watching Inuyasha so Pan's going into heat because Gohan is confused and stupid.

"Hey, AND- erhm, Pan!" Mirai Trunks said the following morning as Pan was trying to eat breakfast.

"Hi, I'm not mad at you anymore, though I'm a little frightened of you."

"Well, I live here now! Gohan gave me a guest room right next to yours. Please ignore my snoring at night, the GODDAMN ANDROIDS tore out my esophagus and tied it into a knot, so now my snores are amplified."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Mirai Trunks shrugged. "Let's go walking. I'll protect you from any ANDROIDS!"

So they did. They walked around for hours, talking about androids, because that's all Mirai Trunks gave a shit about. Suddenly, out of nowhere, regular time-line Trunks shot a ki blast at his future-world counterpart.

"IT'S MY ANDROID LOOK-ALIKE!"

"What the shit?" Trunks face-faulted. "Look, you can't walk around with the girl I just broke up with! I won't let you!"

"Pan doesn't date ANDROIDS!"

"That's it, prepare to die!"

The fight ensued, with Mirai Trunks winning handily. That is, until Pan tried to step in between them, then Trunks got a shot in. For some reason, a punch from an average level Super Saiyan is enough to send an Ascended Saiyan plummeting like a wuss. Pan rushed to the injured Mirai Trunks.

"Well, FINE!" huffed Trunks. "Break up with me, I don't care! I'm going home, WAHH!"

A few days later, Mirai Trunks got the girl, Trunks died of cobra poisoning, and everyone lived happily ever after. …What? I don't know the real ending, that's all you get for one chapter!

THE END!


	9. Gohan and Trunks

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z. It's a sad sad world when you don't own, nor will you ever own, Dragonball Z.**

_I'm Ned, the Janitor who isn't actually a janitor. Today's ruthlessly awful pairing is one that, again, features a massive age gap too big for one to simply ignore. It's nothing too weird or anything, but it's violation of canon and the aforementioned age gap qualify it for this fic. Gohan and Trunks. The future versions, but I'm not putting Mirai at the beginning of each name because fuck that shit. Oh, and this will be the first one in a while that's not a direct parody of another story. Enjoy._

Gohan and Trunks were in the pouring rain one morning, with Gohan trying to get Trunks to turn into a Super Saiyan through methods that involve "yelling encouragement" and "that's about it."

"AAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Yes, Trunks, you can do it! I know that you have it in you!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"All you have to do is make it come out! I believe in you!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

PLOP!

"YES! You did it!" Gohan shouted, admiring Trunks' magnificent shit.

"Whew..." Trunks wiped the sweat off of his brow. "I knew I shouldn't have had all those bricks of cheese."

"Hey," Gohan laid a fatherly hand (his ONLY fatherly hand at this point, actually) on the younger half-saiyan's shoulder, "the important thing is that it's over."

"Well, I need to clean up. Would you give me a second?"

"Of course."

Gohan went far away while Trunks wiped his stank ass and got ready to start actually trying to become a Super Saiyan. Gohan always took these opportunities to think about his shitty life. The fact was, Trunks was Gohan's only friend left in this apocalyptic hellhole of a future. Gohan wouldn't know what to do with his life if he lost him. Well, there was always his mom to hang out with... HA HA HA HA! After a good and much needed gut laugh, Gohan laid down and stared up at the rain clouds, allowing the rain to pound his face as he waited until Trunks was done at the tree. At last, Trunks emerged from the back of the tree. Gohan sat up to get a good look at the boy. He immediately noticed something different about him.

"Say, did you change your hair?" asked Gohan.

"Yeah. It's golden and spiky now." Trunks pointed up to it proudly.

"Oh, cool. Nice contacts, too."

Trunks became a little irritated with the oblivious Gohan. "Uh, they changed naturally."

"Really? That's weird. And why are you glowing? Did you-"

"GOHAN, I'M A SUPER SAIYAN!" Trunks screamed.

"You are?" Gohan practically squealed. Like a pig. "When did this happen?"

"While I was at the tree."

"That's incredible! So much so, that I would like to spar with you for 12 hours straight!"

SO THEY DID! For 12 hours straight, but the first hour of that half-day's worth of time was spent playing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who was going to punch first. After 11 hours of PUNCH HIT HIT KICK HIT PUNCH PUNCH, the boys laid down next to each other in the rain-drenched grass and rested up for a little bit because they were more than a little out of breath. They were just looking over at each other and the evening sky that had almost completely cleared up, profuse sweat mixing with the fallen rain they were in like a cocktail of man-sexiness. They had also taken their shirts off midway through the fighting.

Now, if you are a DBZ fangirl, you are probably incapable of reading the rest of this chapter. That is because your drool has shorted your keyboard, thus causing a system crash. Well, your loss. You don't know what you're missing. Oh, wait, yeah you do. Because you probably read stupid crap like this all the time.

"Hey, I almost forgot to ask you," Gohan began in-between gasps for air, "how did you become a Super Saiyan in the first place?"

Trunks sat up, twitching nervously. That is, he was this: (-) close to having an epileptic seizure. Trunks knew that he couldn't tell Gohan the real reason he had transformed, because Gohan would only hate him for some reason. Even though they HAD to fight together against the androids.

Gohan sat up as well, giving Trunks an odd look. "Trunks, are you okay?"

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-yeah, I'm f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fine."

Gohan laughed. "Well, go on then, tell me how you turned into a Super Saiyan."

Trunks stood up and decided that he couldn't let this dig into his chest anymore. It was time to tell the truth, and hope that Gohan got a whole bunch of real bad bruises on his legs the last time they fought the androids. Then he realized Gohan could fly. Son of a bitch.

"I THOUGHT ABOUT ME AND YOOOOUUUU!" bellowed Trunks.

Gohan stood up as well. "You mean, as... ?"

"Yes, as lovers."

"... I was going to say farmers."

Trunks felt absolutely nauseated when Gohan said that, because that meant he must not feel the same way about him. Gohan was thinking that he wanted to make sure Trunks was really honest about what he was saying to him because the black-haired one-armed man suddenly realized, out of complete nowhere for no logical reason whatsoever, that the feeling was mutual between them.

"Trunks, I..." Gohan bridged the gap between them both, "I can't believe we feel the same way."

"AHH! NO DON'T KICK ME I PROMISE I- wait... what?"

That night, Gohan and Trunks made sweet love down by the fire, and then defeated the androids together the next day. What a happy, yet unrealistic ending, wouldn't you say?

THE END!


	10. Pan and Buu

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z isn't my property, I wouldn't put that many grunts into one show.**

_Sorry for the gigantic delay, I've been doing some summer shit, but then I got bored, so I guess it's back to doing this! I'M SO EXCITED! Today's juicy little tidbit of shit is a PanxBuu rapefic type story actually offered up to be by a reader. I will parody this story with an unpronouncable name (Tsukemono... durka-durka) that starts with a T, and it was written by Pyjamapants. So, yeah, enjoy the show. _

Once upon a merry-ole' time, Pan was bitching about her grandpa Goku never being around, because he was too busy curb-stomping Uub up over at Kami's Tower, which is held up by a pole with like a centimeter circumference. Yeah, that's totally non-lethal. Pan then decided the only way to get over this is to go to Trunks' house to borrow a cup of SEX.

She knocked on his window and proceeded to make goofy faces, apparently because she could. Hell, why should any of us try to stop her anyway? Trunks' logical response to this was to make HIGH-larious masturbation mimes, which only made the situation even HAWTER. Skip forward a little bit.

By the way, that scene will no longer be mentioned ever again because it has no bearing on anything whatsoever. It's literally the same thing as me just adding a cookie recipe to the beginning of this chapter for no reason. So yeah, moving on.

Gohan walked into Pan's room the following afternoon. "Hey, Pan, I decided the only way to stop you from going to Trunks' house and getting pregnant was to set you up a sparring match with some kid reincarnated from a horrendous mass killer! AREN'T I A STUPENDIFEROUS FATHA?"

Pan, aside from being annoyed, got up and went to some field in the middle of another field in a secret field on the opposite side of the world from where anyone else in the Z Fighters could help her in a dangerous situation. A quaint little place. The two young idiots-in-training punch each other in the face for five hours until Pan gets tired.

"Hey, we've been tearing each other to ribbons for hours, can we take a break?" asked Pan, who needed a breather herself.

"HELL NAW!" responded Uub. And so the punching, kicking and powering up (mostly that) continued unabated for another hour. Uub began to show signs of severe fatigue.

"Hey, Uub, are you okay? You seem to be in pain for some reason!" Pan stated while examining Uub's oozing wounds.

Uub responded with, "Well, aside from the fact that we've both been attempting to kill each other for the past six hours, I'm fine. AAGHGHGGGHHH!"

"Oh, goodness, the top of your skull melted! I think we should take a ten minute breather!"

"No, I'm fine, I insist- BBLLAGGHHK!"

Uub threw up a bunch of pink shit all over Pan and then fell down, half-digested nacho cheese running down his face like so much semen.

"Oh, gross, he's been eating at Taco Bell again! And I know it's Taco Bell, I can see the baby roaches." Pan started to brush the goo off, but the goo twitched and slid off of her shirt. Then it slowly shapeshifted and formed into Super Buu OH NOES! Pan and the horrible mutant creature had a standoff.

"Well, he's oogling my ass and panting, maybe I should consider stepping away from- EEK!"

Before Pan finished her sentence, the Nuu Buu had her pinned on the ground and was licking her cheek. Which one? Beats the hell out of me, guys. You make that decision. Nuu Buu inserted his tongue, which had other, smaller tongues growing out of it, into Pan's mouth. Which one? What the fuck kind of question is that, you sick bastard, what the hell? I'd hate you guys if I didn't love you so very, very much. Now where was I? Ah, yes, of course...

Meanwhile, on Kami's Lookout, Goku stopped eating and started thinking.

"My rapey sense is TINGLING! My granddaughter must be inexplicably getting raped for the 40th time this month! I'LL SAVE YOU!"

Goku flew down to the exact location of the rape, which was already over by the time Goku got his goddamn slow ass down there, and blew Nuu Buu's head off. The mutant grew it back, pulled his cock out of Pan's anus and turned around.

"Did you have fun raping my granddaughter, Tru- uh, I mean, Vege- damn, that was last week. BUU! Yeah, that's it!" Goku shouted out.

"Nope, it was like having sex with an open doorway, to be honest with you. I'm going to go find some VIRGIN poontang!" Buu replied, strangely articulately.

"LEAVE MAH WIFE ALONE!" Goku screamed at the pink man.

Buu smirked devilishly and flew toward Goku's house, with the desperate Goku in hot pursuit. Pan just sort of got up and dressed back as casually as if she were just getting out of the shower.

"Well, looks like I got raped yet again. Guess I'd better go get another rape kit, if the clinics haven't started charging already."

THE END!

_Okay, before I get the inevitable "RAPE'S NOT FUNNY" review, I'd just like to say that I'm not making fun of the fact that Pan got raped. I'm making fun of the fact that people seem to look at Pan, a tertiary character at best unless you count GT (no one does) and see "RAPE ME" hanging over her head. In other words, enough of the Pan rape fics, goddamnit. I swear, it's like people just can't go through the day anymore without writing a story involving a willing penis and an unwilling vagina._


	11. ChiChi and Vegeta Part 1

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not mine. Nope.**

_Welcome to the next ten chapters of DBZ Pairings of the Apocalypse. This particular pairing, ChiChi and Vegeta, will be unique, because it is a two-parter. That's because I've found two angles it can be approached from: A sibling relationship, and a romantic relationship. This chapter will go after the sibling relationship. This will be a parody of Spitfire Maguire's "She Is Your Blood", or as I like to call it, the "Giant Kick-Me Sign." She's been gone from this website for two years, nobody cares! HAHAHAHA! Please, enjoy._

"You have been blocked from calling this number!" Shenron roared, as the Z Warriors listened in horror.

Goku, the savior of Earth several times, was now going to stay dead! Everyone was shocked, since nobody stayed dead in this cartoon. Shocked most of all was ChiChi, his wife. Which is ironic, since ChiChi is the whole reason that Goku doesn't want to come back. He just spoon-fed everyone that "I AM A DANGER TO THE PLANET" bullshit because he didn't want everyone to hate him. ChiChi, being a distraught over-emotional woman, decided that she needed to run into somebody's arms. And she chose Vegeta, tackling him and just staying on him like a freaking face hugger.

"GO, GET OUT OF HERE!" Vegeta roared, as if he were a lion. Everyone dispersed like frightened pigeons, afraid of Vegeta and his ear-splitting man-voice. After that, Vegeta started petting her on the head and whispering comfort to her in a foreign language.

"Vegeta... why are you talking to me in Swedish?" ChiChi asked, between sobs.

"Oh... sorry, I got confused. Anyway, sis, you shouldn't have ran to me in front of everybody." Vegeta said, comfortingly. Wow, talk about an oxymoron. Vegeta and comfort are actually within sentence distance of each other.

"I know..." ChiChi said, all forms of liquid running down her face.

"Princess, I'm sorry about Go- eeewwww, keep your face off my shirt!"

ChiChi started crying again.

"Oh, come on, what do I have to do?" Vegeta asked, desperately.

"Vegeta, you don't understand. I'm... I'm pregnant." ChiChi, yet again, started crying. She had now passed the wretched screeching crying and jumped headfirst into the unhearable out of breath crying. Goddamn. I never thought I'd feel sorry for Vegeta.

"WHAT?" Vegeta roared, going Super Saiyan and knocking over ChiChi. "HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO MY LITTLE BABY SISTER?"

"Hey, that hurt!" ChiChi complained.

"What? The 'little baby sister' thing?"

"Going Super Saiyan when I was so close to you! What are you, retarded?"

"Oh... erm, I didn't mean to-...well, at least you stopped crying."

"Well, now that all the drama has been taken out of this scene, let's just go into the flashback. Jackass."

_FLASHBACK... FLASHBACK... FLASHBACK..._

_Three decades earlier, in a hospital room on Planet Vegeta, Prince Vegeta was holding his little sister ChiChi, the youngest daughter of King Vegeta, born in Hospital Vegeta in Vegeta City. Yes, if you haven't noticed, these people really like that name. Really. Realllly._

_"This baby is hideous, and I love holding it." three year old Prince Vegeta said to his mother, who was dying. See, what happened was, Queen (guess what) Vegeta (not actually called that in the original) almost died giving birth to Prince Vegeta, because his hair had already grown out before he was born. What do you think that caused? I'll give you a hint: it began with "V" and ended with "agina mutilation." After nearly bleeding to death from giving birth to the prince, it was decided that she would die if she were to give birth again. So, what happened months after that? Yes, pregnant again. Stupid whore._

_"Vegeta... can you promise to protect her no matter what?" asked the Queen to her son, Vegeta._

_"Sure, yeah."_

_"You don't sound very enthusiastic."_

_"Oh, Mom, you know I mean it!"_

_The baby suddenly started crying loudly, as babies are prone to do._

_"SHUT UP, BITCH!" the young prince screamed into her face. The Queen smiled._

_"That's my boy." The Queen said, with her dying voice. King Vegeta rushed into the room five seconds after the death of his wife._

_"Wife, please-" the King looked over at his wife, then turned to Vegeta. "...I was late to do my scene, wasn't I?" the King asked the Prince contemptfully._

_"Yes, you were." Prince Vegeta responded._

_"...Shit."_

_The baby started crying again. "SHUT UP, BITCH!" the King and Prince roared._

_Two years later, life starting sucking ass. King Vegeta was negotiating with Frieza, trying to find one good reason why Frieza shouldn't destroy his planet. Meanwhile, Prince Vegeta was trying to train Princess Ve- er, ChiChi how to fly._

_"You suck, really bad." the young Prince said in a stone cold voice to his two-year-old sister._

_"But you'll teach me... right?" ChiChi asked. Yes, that's how articulate these two year old Saiyans are. Hey, look, a two year old that can pronounce "misanthropy!" Bullshit._

_"If I don't pull a Scarlet Ibis on your ass first, then yeah, I'll teach you. Until I get bored."_

_"I love you, brother."_

_Nappa walked over to the siblings and told them that their father wanted to see them. So they followed Nappa to King Vegeta's nasty house... throne room, whatever, same thing._

_"Get out with your bald-ass head, Nappa, only people with hair are allowed in here." the King ordered Nappa, who grumbled to himself about how much he hated his fucking job as he walked out._

_"What do you want, Papa?" the prince asked, in a dignified manner that no five-year-old in this goddamned universe actually has._

_"I have some bad news for you two. I'm afraid that Frieza wants to train you under his command until you are ready to take the throne, which should be when you are about eight years old." King Vegeta said, painfully, because this is so emotionally traumatizing._

_"Wait, so I get to train under a guy several times stronger than you until I become king?" Little Vegeta asked._

_"Yes. That is the terms of negotiation."_

_"Why the hell is that bad?"_

_"I'm not sure. Oh, yeah, and ChiChi has to go to earth so that Frieza won't find out she exists."_

_"WHAT? But I don't wanna!" ChiChi complained._

_"Yes you do! You do because it's normal!" the King roared back, trembling._

_"YES! Awesome, I don't have to teach you how to fly anymore!" the prince celebrated, while running around in circles._

_"Okay, so, we have your stuff packed and we have a boyfriend for you, who will be sent after Planet Vegeta is destroy- made peaceful." the King informed ChiChi. Nappa took ChiChi to a space-pod and sent her on her way, while King and Prince Vegeta high-fived each other and performed synchronized air guitar._

_END FLASHBACK... END FLASHBACK... END FLASHBACK..._

"Can you remind me why we care about each other again?" ChiChi grudgingly asked Vegeta. Before he could answer, a large group of dark clouds gathered over Kami's lookout. Goku's voice echoed out of the clouds.

"WHAT? You mean my whole life was just a set up? The marriage, the kids, the Vegeta, all of that was just a carefully planned out tactic to preserve our race?" Goku shouted angrily from the heavens.

"Um... yep, you have it nailed," the widowed Chi-Chi responded.

"Do you know how this makes me FEEL?"

"No... we don't care much either." Vegeta said, all matter-of-fact like.

Goku yelled again, and a massive ki ball came roaring out of the sky, killing both Vegeta and ChiChi.

"Skip to my lou, motherfuckers." Goku said triumphantly as his voice then his voice faded away while everyone was running out to see what happened.

THE END SO I WON'T HAVE TO TYPE "VEGETA" OUT AGAIN

SHIT, I JUST DID.

OH, WHATEVER.


	12. ChiChi and Vegeta Part 2

**Disclaimer: Dragonballz? Well, I wouldn't own anything that graphic.**

_Welcome, my readers, to the newest chapter of Dragonball Z Pairings of the Apocalypse. Or, really, welcome to part 2 of the incredibly dumb pairing of "Chichi and Vegeta." This will deal the romantic relationship. It's a parody of evilraditz's "Chi Chi's dilemma", where we find out that her so-called "dilemma" is that she is a gigantic OOC slut. At least she isn't a saiyan. Enjoy._

It was, yet again, in the three year period training for the androids. ChiChi was busy bitchin' in the kitchen on this particular day, which was like every other day. Yep, in about 2 hours, 13 minutes, and 53 seconds, Gohan and Goku would bounce in, carrying with them the only edible thing within miles: fish. She hated it. Absolutely did not find it very pleasant. If fact, if her hatred for it was a police car fueled by rage, the police car could catch Batman in his batmobile and go around the world several times. It would be going so goddamned fast that it could travel across the Pacific Ocean without sinking.

So, yeah, she wasn't a big fan of it. The routine, I mean.

It absolutely got under her skin that Goku wouldn't break the routine. Because they we're training for the androids, he needed to train and that's what is causing this dilemma. ChiChi figured that her needs for a slightly different schedule were far more important than SAVING THE PLANET FROM EVIL ANDROIDS THAT WILL KILL EVERYBODY.

While ChiChi was bitching inwardly, Gohan ran in WITHOUT A FISH. This startled ChiChi so much, that she almost lost control of several bowel movements. Almost.

"Hi, mom! Guess what!" Gohan said to his mother.

"Uh... f-fish?" ChiChi choked out, still freaked out that the routine was broken.

"No, Bulma invited us over for a party!" Gohan announced excitedly. All excited like.

"... WHOOOOOO! YAY! Do I need to bring anything?" ChiChi asked, barely able to contain her stupidit- uh, excitement.

"No, but lookie here what I gots fer yah!" Goku said, poking his head through the door and carrying some monstrously oversized fish that looks like it came from a cartoon. But we know it didn't.

"You both need to take a bath before we leave." ChiChi told them. They bitched like women until ChiChi said that they could leave sooner if they'd clean the fish shit out of their hair. So, Goku and Gohan proceeded to hold a strangling contest to see who would go first. Goku won, and he decided to let Gohan take a bath with him.

If you got aroused at that last sentence, get the hell out of this fanfic right now.

SO THEY LEFT. While Goku and Gohan were jacking around outside of Bulma's house, Bulma and ChiChi took to fixing up some POTATOES AND FUCKING GRAVY.

BOY HOWDY, WHAT A PARTY THIS WILL BE! BREAK OUT THE HATS, CUZ WE GOT POTATOES AND GRAVY! OH YES. **OH HELL YES.**

"So, how are things between you and Yamcha?" ChiChi asked Bulma nosily.

"Uh, he broke up with me. Months ago. Didn't you get the memo?" asked Bulma.

"You sent out a memo?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I probably threw it away... sorry."

After a moment of awkwardness, ChiChi broke it. The awkwardness, I mean.

"So, how is being single?"

"Great, I have my eye on Vegeta!"

ChiChi was so shocked, her vertebrae popped, causing spinal fluid to erupt from her ears like a geyser.

"VEGETA? That arrogant jerk?"

"Yep, he's so HAWT!" Bulma said, sounding so remarkably valley girl, that somewhere in Europe, a goth's head exploded from the overpowering valley girlness.

Little did they know, Vegeta was listening in on the whole conversation. Vegeta was attracted to ChiChi. Yes, just the way she walked around like she had centipedes in her crotch, her overwhelming hatred for everything that isn't studying, and her unnecessary rage when anyone argued with her just made Vegeta's waist worm get rigor mortis.

A few days after the party, ChiChi was still VARY VARY PISSED about her routine, so she decided to actually do something about it. She left her place at the stove to go to Bulma's house. What she found was something different.

"OMAGOSH, VEGETA!" ChiChi shouted, after accidentally seeing Vegeta come out of the shower, bucky ball naked. He jumped into the bathroom and came back out with a towel.

Around his neck.

ChiChi didn't protest. Instead, she went downstairs. Vegeta came back downstairs to make a sandwich. ChiChi quickly realized that, nope, he couldn't do that. In fact, he was atrocious at it. There was so much trash in there, that you could swim around in it. But, you'd be wise not to do it, since most of it was broken mayo jars. What a moron. After ChiChi cleaned up the mess and made Vegeta his damned sandwich, she went to do the dishes, because as we all know, women have a constant instinct to clean shit up. Vegeta grabbed her hand.

"Stop doing the dishes, it annoys me for some reason." Vegeta told her. Then he started kissing her on her (FACE) cheek. Pretty soon, ChiChi and Vegeta were having wild monkey sex involving a clock and some old CD cases. ChiChi sighed a contented sigh after Vegeta was finished breaking her thighs with his crotch pole.

Then Goku walked in and, in timely fashion, killed both of them with a single Kamehameha wave.

"Skip to my lou AGAIN, motherfuckers." Goku repeated as he left the house with his new sex toy, Bulma.

THE END!


	13. Pan and Vegeta

Disclaimer: One time, I went to a Dragonball Z convention nude with a cheap toupee glued to my head and a fox tail taped to my ass, claiming I was Akira Toriyama. I walked around telling people I was Akira Toriyama and that I would give them sex for a dollar. I made no money and was kicked out. I do not own Dragonball Z.

Welcome to the suicide text area of this website. I'll be your Kevorkian this evening. Today's exercise in pure mental trauma in the form of a oneshot is an especially retarded pairing known in some circles as "WHAT THE FUCK?!", but known to the rest of us as Vegeta and Pan. Sit tight, fasten your seat belts. We are now entering hell.

Once, in the far-away kingdom of Japan, lived an alien warrior who despised people that couldn't beat the shit out of him, people that COULD beat the shit out of him, people he was equally matched with, and white people. And near him lived a girl that could make herself disappear by the mere act of turning to her side. Now we know enough about these characters to jump right into the story, which starts off with Goku, Krillin, Yamcha, and Master Roshi enjoying a peaceful afternoon at Roshi's house. That is, "peaceful" in the Dragonball Z world which features a new villain every time a bear shits in the woods. Ah, you've just got to love the Dragonball Z world, where the word "peaceful" isn't really listed in a dictionary. In fact, the only mention of "peace" is in a section about Hercule in a crappy dollar-store encyclopedia that states the following:

"HERCul RawkSS anDDDD anyOnE WH0 disaGreOas is a PeACE of SHHHIIITT who shuld DEIE!"

Krillin, sensing a power level, shoots up from the table like an unwanted erection.

"Moses Almighty On A Fuckstick, Goku! Do you sense that massive power level?!" Krillin asked, trying to give off the impression of being useful.

"Yeah, Krillin, it's that same nuclear power plant you sniffed out five minutes ago." Goku chuckled derisively at his desperate-for-attention friend.

"No guys, this one's... different." Krillin slowly said.

"Oh, you're right! You're sensing a power level far greater than your own!" Goku walked outside with Krillin.

"But... who?"

"MEE" the turtle that Roshi owned smugly stretched it's neck and laughed, and everybody followed suit. Krillin wept. The laughter continued.

Then a tiny meteor hit the tiny island and a worm crawled out of it and into Goku's anus.

"HAHAHAHAAA!!" the pshossessed Goku giggled furiously. "I AM JERRY WAKAKAKAUHOTILULU of the planet FARFAGNEWTON! You weak mortals must bow before my new body!!"

Meanwhile, Vegeta and Pan sat at the windows of their houses and looked out, longing for an emptiness they only recently found they had. Yes, folks, even Vegeta can be emo.

"Oh... I just wish I could fill this emptiness in my mysterious female soul with a nice cock- oh, wait, I mean, love for a guy who truly cares about me. Unlike that asshole Mirai Trunks, who dumped me for a secret love affair with Android 18, and Trunks, who was just an all around fuckbag. I guess the only solution is to cut myself." Pan thought aloud, before using her gaudy fingernail attachments to slit her wrist.

"What is wrong with me?! Of all people, why Pan?! Why am I thinking about Pan?!" Vegeta paced, thinking very loudly to himself, while using a fingernail file to slit his wrists.

"WHAT?!" Bulma screeched, using a spatula on her wrists.

Vegeta repeats his three sentences, only so loudly that people three blocks away were covering their ears. Some people used handgun barrels to cover their ears, because anyone with a hearing problem that lives within a 4 million foot radius to the prince of all Saiyans is going to try to kill themselves.

"Oh, okay." Bulma said cheerily, before going back to scrubbing the toilets with her sandpaper tongue and cutting herself.

"Jesus, she has a shitty hearing aide." Vegeta whispered quietly, before going back to thinking about taking Pan to the park, if you are catching my drift, babwy.

Meanwhile, back at Roshi House, Jerry has killed Yamcha, Krillin, and Roshi, and has convinced the turtle to join his efforts because, honestly, no one pays enough attention to that poor bastard. Within a few short hours, Jerry has managed to kill each and every member of the Z Fighters (including the turtle, due to an unfortunate and horrific Kamehameha masturbation accident) except for our two future lovebirds. That's right, Puar and Oolong. Oh, yeah, and Vegeta and Pan are also still alive, and are currently training inside of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

"Okay, Pan, you're training under me now!" Vegeta announced immediately after the doors shut. The sexual metaphor was so obvious, it hit Pan right in the face, sending the screaming Pan hurdling across the eternal whiteness of Michael Jacks- er, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

"Get used to it, I have a million big metaphors I can share with you!" Vegeta shouted over the whiteness, causing Pan to be knocked further away. Vegeta then proceeded to tear her arm off.

"This will be your first lesson; GROW YOUR ARM BACK!"

Three days later, Vegeta, in a out of character show of affection, sows her arm back on. Pan wasn't so impressed.

"What kind of puss sows?" Pan asked condescendingly.

"I learned just now for you, Pan." Vegeta said.

"Why?"

"Because... I love you... and I loved you even while you were a fetus!"

"Oh, Vegeta... I LOVE YOU TOO!"

So the two now-lovers jumped into each others arms (don't ask me how that would work) and made passionate love to each other that same night.

A year passed inside the Time Chamber, with Vegeta and Pan sharing with each other the story of their deep, totally-not-shallow-at-all affection for each other and making steamy love every night, discovering new positions through the use of Vegeta's copy of "Disgusting Fucking Pedophiles That Should Be Drowned In A Pool Of Cement and Dry Cat Shit" magazine, dated just before they entered the time chamber. They also bonded in other ways, including slitting their wrists together, eating together, bathing together, and playing Scrabble: Dirty Words Edition. That game always got them randy, if you understand what I'm saying. Unfortunately, they didn't do shit for training, and were pretty much condemned for death the second they came out of the chamber and saw the evil Jerry waiting for them just outside the entrance of the chamber, reading the newspaper and using the corpse of Mr. Popo as a beanbag chair.

"Hey, there's an article in here about child molestation dwindling immediately after you went in the time chamber." Jerry stated nonchalantly.

"Huh, well, it's not an issue that affects me in any way." Vegeta defended himself nervously, yet calmly.

"Well, shall we fight then?" Jerry asked politely, getting up from his Popo chair.

"HYAH!" Vegeta roared the same phrase he said over and over every time he was in bed with Pan in the time chamber and poked the evil Jerry in the eye. This caused Jerry to spontaneously combust, and he burned to death in seconds.

"YES! You did it, lover!" Pan yelled excitedly, kissing Vegeta on his face.

"Yes, now let me child molest you right on the floor of the Lookout."

Vegeta barely finished his sentence when Pan tackled him to the floor and smothered him in her love. She stopped and gasped suddenly, a look of mild worry on her face.

"Vegeta..."

"Yes, hon?"

"...The time chamber was destroyed years ago... how?"

Vegeta paused for a second, then he began to laugh hysterically. Before Pan could react, she sunk through Vegeta and through the concrete tiles of Kami's lookout... and into an eternal pit of relentless psychological torture, to scream and fall forever and ever.

That's what happens to a girl when she is raped in 90 percent of all the fanfics that she features in.

THE END


	14. Pan and Android 17

Disclaimer: The Dragonball Z series is not under my control, but I'd gladly borrow it Tuesday for a Hamburger today... hang on, that came out wrong... oh, whatever.

Welcome, my masochistic friends, to yet another chapter of pure darkness compressed into text. As you may have guessed, we have in our hands another Pan-ridden festival of angst, and of course, rape. Yes, folks, Android 17 changes his sexuality from chapter 7 and Pan is his raped-wide-open victim. Since this will (and I promise this) be the last chapter involving Pan, her name will be changed to "Rapan" for the duration of this story This name change is not only to "celebrate" her "coveted" status as "extremely raped", but also to celebrate Pan's well known enjoyment of the rap genre, Scooby-Doo's funny speech impediment along with the joy it brings all of us, and, not to mention, to commemorate Japan's inexplicable infatuation with rape in their anime and just culture in general. Oh, and this chapter is also a parody of SparklingTear's "Frightened to tell the truth," a 32-chapter-and-still-in-progress juggernaut that, admittedly, is an alright read. However, it's subject matter is ripe for the... well, raping. Enjoy.

"Hey, Rapan!" Bra jumped into her room with Marron as Rapan was locking on her anti-rape armor at about three-thirty PM.

"Oh, hey... you aren't here to-"

"Naw, it's your birthday!" Marron said, matter-of-factly. "We're here to take you SHOPPING!" Marron and Bra chorused their words together before dragging an understandably reluctant and really heavily-armored Rapan off for an exciting evening of God-knows-what. Once outside, Bra grabs a capsule out of her pocket and throws it down, revealing a pink car.

"Eww!" Rapan exclaimed, because she is a tomboy of biker-lesbian proportions. In fact, if not for a possessed Android 18 and a drunken Bulma raping her a couple of months ago on the same day, she WOULD be a lesbian. Folks, don't think this is easy to write. Seriously.

"Well, what do you expect we do to get to the mall?!" Bra asked.

"Fly, duh!" Rapan remarked.

"Good idea, let's watch you try flying while wearing that half-ton of shit!" Marron suggested with sarcasm.

SO SHE DID! And, after giving it three or four failed tries, as well as almost being raped by her own armor but saving herself by macing herself in the eyes, she gave up and jumped into the driver's seat.

"Hey, you can't drive, remember?" Marron said, getting in her usual spot in the back seat, or as Bra and Rapan called it, the "Chamber of Forgotten Existence."

"Hey, get out of my seat!" Bra whined. Rapan responded by making herself tear up and causing her friends to feel guilt because they raised their voices to their repeated-rape-victim shell of a friend who was experiencing gradual mental deterioration. So Bra got in the passenger seat and they were off... right back into the house.

"AAHHHH! RAPE RAPE!!" Rapan screamed. Bra sighed and took out a gadget, pressing a button that activated Rapan's shock collar, forcing the traumatized girl to calm down. "You forgot to take it out of reverse, silly." Bra said, trying to be as cheerful as humanly possible. She wasn't doing a good job, so she had to press the button once more. So Rapan put it into park and tried driving out of the house.

"It's in park, you can't drive in park!" Marron said from the Chamber of Forgotten Existence. Rapan couldn't hear her from all the way back there, so she kept trying, so Bra was forced to tell her the same thing.

"Oh," said Rapan. "I thought it stood for 'Put the Pedal to the Metal.'"

Finally, Rapan got it in drive, and she did just that. She drove faster than any of them could ever have hoped to fly, and before they knew it, they were driving through the biggest mall in town.

"Rapan, we're here FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Bra said as calmly and quietly as she could over the screams of the people being nailed by the car. Luckily for those people, Shenron had been trained to perform an every day "Damage Reparation Ritual" so that the DBZ heroes would have to feel no guilt for the stupid shit they pull on a bi-daily basis. At hearing Bra's words of restrained rage and shit-pantsing fear, Rapan pushed down on the gas pedal hard as possible, skidding into a clothes store and hurling all three of them out of the car, over a bunch of hung-up clothing items, and into the back of the store. Marron and Bra got up and dusted themselves off while Rapan writhed in shock on the ground like an extremely heavy fish. After a good half-hour of Bra's amateur shock treatment, Rapan got up and smiled. "Here we are!"

"Well, at least we're in the store we wanted to stop in first anyway." Bra said, trying to hold in her fury. "Well, Rapan, it's time to doll you up!"

"No! I remember the last time you dolled me up-up-up-up-up-up..." Rapan echoed the same word over and over because of the trauma of remembering how Trunks raped her twice in one week starting the day after Mirai Trunks left (see Pan and Trunks). More shock treatment calmed her down.

"Why don't we just leave?" Marron suggested to her friends. By now, Bra was too stressed to argue and Rapan was a borderline vegetable.

"Sure. I need to go to the restroom first." Rapan managed to mumble out of her numbed-out mouth. Marron and Bra let her go while they walked out of the store.

"Hey, since everyone is busy setting up a surprise party at her house, let's let her go home alone!" Bra suggested to Marron.

"Uh... I'm not sure about that. I really don't think she could handle it in her condition." Marron told her. "Besides, she would have to walk because of-"

"Yeah? Well you REALLY DON'T THINK at all, do you?? Now, let's go!" Bra said, walking to the exit and being careful to step over all the bodies.

"Well, okay!" Marron said dumbly, suppressing her logical standpoint and putting an empty smile on her face as she caught up with Bra. A few moments later, after realizing her armor was never going to come off until she was attacked again, pissing herself, going into very brief shock because she thought she may have been bleeding, and washing her hands, Rapan came out of the bathroom and found out her friends had left her. Realizing this, she entered into shock and had a seizure inside the mall. Before it could go on too long, a mysterious man with long black hair and soulless blue eyes ran over and picked her up, taking her out of the mall. Rapan's response to this was to go into a self-induced coma, and her bowels loosened as a result, so you can guess what that caused.

"Son of a bitch, she's heavy with this crap on!" the man exclaimed as he took her to the jungle for a (try not to be shocked) rape session. The man puts Rapan on the ground in the middle of the forest and blasts off her armor. This snaps her out of her concussion as well as hitting both of them with the intolerable musk of shit.

"Ohhh... I'm so embarrassed..." Rapan didn't even notice the evil man (or, for that matter, the new forest setting) after realizing her little accident. The Guy Whose Name Includes A Number and A Seven Letter Word Starting With The Letter "A" decided to wait until she found a pond to clean up in, which she did (still without realizing the forest setting).

"Hello, little girl." Android 17 (kudos if you managed to guess who it was, I'm sure it was difficult.) said menacingly once Rapan got out of the pond with all her gorgeous underaged nudity.

"You're here to rape me, right?" Rapan asked nonchalantly, as if she were a destist or a shrink talking to a patient that just arrived.

"Well... yeah, how'd you guess?" Android 17 asked in complete shock and awe.

"Right, well, go and get those forms over there in the back pocket of my pants and the pen that's also in that pocket."

"No, those pants over there have shit in them!

"So, you have no qualms with raping me, but are afraid of a little feces? Don't be a pussy-ass bitch."

Android 17, just glad that he didn't have to do any fighting or struggling with his victim, withstood the stench and grabbed the pen and a set of sticky notes with little lines on them that say "name of attacker" under the line.

"So, I'm supposed to sign here?" Android 17 asked, slightly shocked.

"Not quite yet." Rapan, still nude, grabbed the notes and peeled off the one on the top and faced it on it's back, then used the back of the set as a pad to put the piece of paper on top of to write on it.

"Okay, I have a few questions before we get started." Rapan said, sitting on the ground next to the pond.

"Why do I have to wait?" 17 smiled evilly. "Why not just rape you now?"

"I'll have a little 'accident' again, and you'll have to wipe me clean if you really want to rape me, so you'll have to cooperate or you can turn into a nursing home employee with the dignity of a circus midget."

"Whatever." 17 sighed, sitting under a tree about five feet away.

"Don't worry, it's only four questions."

"Just get on with it."

"Alright, first question: What's the motive?" Rapan started the interview.

"Oh, Dr. Gero's got me under control." 17 said, bored. Rapan scribbles this down.

"Okay, how do you plan on raping me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Vaginal, oral, or anal?"

17 thought about this for a little bit. "Just vaginal. Oral never satisfyed me and anal seems way too risky and too soon."

Rapan scribbles this down under the last scribble.

"Okay, and will this be with or without pain?"

"With. I plan on hitting you a few times and breaking one of your ribs."

"Okay." Rapan scribbles this down.

"Last question: do you plan on keeping me and raping me more, or will this be all?"

"This is it, until further notice."

Rapan scribbles this down, then neatly folds the paper up and puts it in her right front pocket. Then she goes back by the pond and allows 17 to get on top of her. After hitting her quite hard a few times, including the planned rib injury, and raping her, 17 grabs a rubber glove out of his pocket.

"What are you about to do- AAAGHHGH!" Android 17 puts his gloved hand onto Rapan's forehead and puts a mind-control device that causes the identity of the attacker to change inside of Rapan's head every minute, causing her great pain and confusion. As she lays there with a severe headache, Android 17 takes the form out from inside Rapan's pocket and shreds it while flying away from the scene. About a minute later, Pan gets up and, still naked and bleeding and now very confused from the device, starts walking her way over to her house where a now-unwanted surprise party was awaiting her.

Six hours later, at the surprise party...

"Okay, so we're pretty sure that Rapan's probably been raped again, right?" Goku asked the rest of the Z Warriors, who all nod in agreement. "Okay, since none of us is a suspect and she'll probably tell us who did it when she appears anyway, IF she appears, I say we give her another hour or so, then those of us who can fly will go and look for her. Remember, only whisper 'surprise' very lightly while standing around like normal when, and IF, she walks through the door."

"God, that is sooo dumb! I have the shock collar around her neck!" Bra whined, wanting to have a real surprise.

"She's still in a very fragile state. We don't want another seizure, Bra." Goku explained.

"She had around four or five small fits while we were out shopping, and Bra fixed her right up." Marron told him.

"Well, that doesn't mean we want another one." Goku reminded her.

"Dammit, Gohan!" Videl started in on her geeky husband. "You've been getting way behind on our revenge list! You need to get started on getting revenge on the people who have raped our daughter in the past two weeks!"

"Right now??" Gohan whined.

"Well, no, not right-"

Before Videl could answer completely, Gohan walked around the room, punching everybody in the face that had raped Rapan since 14 days ago. Among the people he hit were himself, Krillin, Piccolo, Puar, Yamcha, the ground, Rapan's hairbrush, a picture of Cell and 11-year-old Gohan on their wedding day Gohan still had hanging on the fucking wall much to Videl's chagrin (they divorced two years later when Gohan got a round of therapy involving Goku, Vegeta, and their fists), Goten, Trunks, Oolong, Master Roshi, Vegeta, Hercule, Bee, and Fat Buu.

"There, happy, you big nag?" Gohan asked.

"Yep. I love you!" Videl hugged Gohan, who gave a thumbs-up to nobody in particular. He knew that he was getting some tonight, and they could maybe even involve Rapan, who just walked through the door to a whispered 'surprise', nude and dripping with blood.

"Well, Goku was right." Chichi mumbled to herself while getting another rape kit out of the giant cabinet full of them.

"Who was it this time, hon?" Gohan asked while making himself a sandwich. Imagine your mother asking you how your first day of school was when you were in fifth grade. That's the exact same tone of voice Gohan used in that sentence, except slightly more effeminate.

"Vegeta." Rapan responded, grabbing the same bathrobe she wore on her last rape, which was yesterday evening with Fat Buu. It still had blood on it, so she decided to just keep being nude, because everyone at this point knew what it looked like. Even the people who haven't been attracted by the silent and invisible rape-soundwaves her body has been emitting since she was old enough to speak.

Gohan walked over to Vegeta, who was watching TV on the couch, and slapped him on the face.

"What's your excuse this time, Mr. 'Never Again, I Swear'?" Gohan asked, arms crossed and foot tapping.

"Didn't do it, because I didn't even feel anything last time, and to put that into perspective, last time was anal." Vegeta told him frankly, before going back to his favorite show, Inuyasha.

"NO, WAIT!" Rapan shrieked. "I was wrong. It was YOU, dad!"

So, after apologizing to Vegeta, Gohan punched himself in the face and asked himself the exact same question, word for word, that he asked Vegeta.

"OH, NOT TALKIN', EH?!" Gohan screamed into thin air before putting his hand on his neck and squeezing until he passed out.

Videl walked cautiously over to Rapan. "Alright, honey, now that Gohan got what he deserved, why don't I-"

"IT WAS DENDE!!" Rapan screamed.

"Well, that's too far away for right now. Gohan will go up there and punch him in the morning after he apologizes to himself, for now let's go to bed."

So Videl told everyone goodbye and walked with her daughter to the door, where the Grim Reaper himself stood.

"Good evening, Rapan." the hooded Reaper rasped.

"You're here to rape me, aren't you?" Rapan asked wearily as Videl sighed and walked to the couch to watch Inuyasha with Vegeta and wait until one of the characters died so he or she could be wished back an hour later.

"No, that was months ago and you were as loose as a busted tire. I'm here because you escaped from the Eternal Pit of Relentless Psychological Torture, and I'm here to put you back in."

Before Rapan could react, she sunk through the wooden floors of her humble home and into an eternal pit of relentless psychological torture, to scream and fall forever and ever... again. This time, for good.

...

WAIT!! Before you go, Goku and Gohan would like to take this opportunity to give a public safety announcement and talk to you, the reader, about Pan Rape Fanfiction, a growing problem in this section of our fine website.

Goku: Hello, folks, I'm Goku of Dragonball fame!

Gohan: Hello, I'm his son, Gohan.

Goku: And we're here to tell you about Pan rape fanfiction. There's so much of it, my son was forced to have his daughter's name legally changed to Rapan.

Gohan: That's right. We're here to tell you to do us a favor.

Goku and Gohan: Stay away from Pan Rapefics, and don't write them!

Goku: Or you may end up in the Eternal Pit of Relentless Psychological Torture yourself!

Gohan: Just like us!

With that, Goku and Gohan high-five. Then they immediately start making out, because that's the kind of shit that just happens in this story.

THE END


	15. Goku and Gohan

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not a crook, and neither am I. Dragonball Z is not my property.

Greetings from the misery of being a messenger from sanity. Today, my friends, is a jump right back into shock form with the pairing of Goku and Gohan, a truly disgusting idea that should not only be bannable, but grounds for a good old-fashioned lobotomy. Just like granny used to make. I'm not going to parody another person's story. In fact, I'm not even going to write what I'd imagine one would be like, because the last thing I need right now is to try to replicate some fucking fat Yaoi fanbitch's disgusting little fantasy of a father having graphic oral and anal with HIS SON, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE FATHER IS GOKU.

Honestly, I could just post a picture of an adult raping a child and photoshop Goku's and Gohan's faces OVER them, because that'd be accurate to the exact content of any of these fanfics, unless it was with teenage Gohan, which still sucks. No, I'm going to do something fairly unique, but still equally godawful. Okay, whatever, enjoy your little horror story.

"Son, you should really work on that aim!" Goku suggested to his son, Gohan, after he missed yet another Kamehameha. "If we're going to stand a chance against the androids, you need to be able to hit the target. You can put as much power as you can into it, but until you can get it right there in the bullseye, well, you just may as well let them blast you instead."

"Yes, dad." Gohan said, disappointed in himself. He knew his father knew exactly what he was talking about, all that "training" he did with Vegeta in Chapter 2. After listening to the fourth wall shatter like ned's sanity after writing on his 15th chapter of screaming hell, Gohan took a seat next to his father next to a campfire his father decided to build in the middle of the day for no discernable reason. It was, however, a lovely moodsetter as he watched as his father slowly, as if in slow motion or something like that which came out of some movie, took off his two shirts, revealing an upper body as think as a Sherman tank and absolutely no chest hair at any place on his iron-hard, bulging, meat-brick-hard chest.

My God... Gohan was entranced by this. He was so entranced, his stare became similar to his father's when he talked to his mother: dreamy, far-off, in deep thought. But, while Goku looked like that because we was begging God to either kill him right now or shut his wife's moron mouth for even one second, Gohan was staring blankly at his father for quite the opposite reason. Oh, God, THAT reason.

Next thing Gohan knew, his father was shaking him violently and screaming "WAKE UP" into his face desperately over and over as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Wh... what happened?" Gohan asked weakly as his father picked him up from the ground.

"You almost drowned!

"...Wha...? How?"

"In a puddle of your own drool! It was pretty disgusting, I'd better get you come so you can get a bath."

Gohan's eyes widened and he regained all his strength. He jumped out from his father's arm and feet-first onto the ground. Feeling replinished, Gohan got into his fighting stance.

"I want to continue training!" Gohan declared, punching (fisting?) the air in anticipation.

"Gohan, you'll get pretty sticky if you stay out here drenched in that stuff." Goku said, reluctantly getting into a fighting stance himself.

Gohan, not too hip to the idea of being sticky the rest of the day, started looking around for a lake to use to get all the sticky off.

"Son, I really think we should just go back to the house for today. I almost lost you today and-"

"There!" Gohan shouted aloud, pointing to his left. Indeed, about two miles away, there was a good-sized lake that Gohan could infect with his icky, fish-like saliva skin. "I can get all this stuff off me with that water!"

"Sure! I could use a bath too!" Goku said cheerfully. This, once again, activated Gohan's drooly mechanism (saliva glands, they call them), so he had to keep his mouth shut. He nodded in agreement, and they both flew off in the direction of the water. Upon landing, Goku and Gohan shredded their clothes off, folded the shreds neatly onto a rock with a huge amount of fireants on it and dived head-first together into the lake. Gohan got all the saliva off of his body, but Goku missed an opportunity to get all the buffoon out of his ears, which surely would have made him a great wiseman akin to the likes of the late George Carlin.

Once the two gentlemen get out of the water, Goku dries off by shaking like a dog, which is something that he has done for years. Gohan, standing behind him, got an excellent view of his father shaking... well, his laffy-taffy, if I may put it so bluntly. Gohan's wood became purple with the desperate need of release.

"Dad!" shouted Gohan.

"What?! What is it?!" Goku looked around frantically for something to blast.

"Uh..." Gohan nervously fiddled with his fingers and tried to find out how he wanted to make his confession.

"Son, what happened?! What is it you're shouting about?!"

"I need you!"

"...Yeah, that's a good song, what about it?"

"No! I want you!"

"...That is too. What's with screaming the names of Beatles songs?"

"I WANT TO FUCK YOU!!"

Goku stared for a long time at his stressing son, a thoughtful look on his face. Finally, he spoke up. "...Hmm, you got me. I never heard of that song."

"RRGHH!"

"Uh, by the way, what does the word 'fuck' mean?"

Gohan, tired of his dad's goddamned naivete, jumps onto his dad's face like a facehugger and rams his member into his dad's-

"AAAUGH!" Goku screamed out, holding his eye. "What was that about?!"

"Oh... uh, I missed."

"Well, son..."

"Yes?"

"...You really need to work on your aim!"

Goku and Gohan laughed for a long time at the comment. Then, with no warning, Goku and Gohan launched at each other and mated with reckless abandon. Unfortunately, Goku ended up triggering the heart condition Trunks warned him about, and the medicine wasn't enough to fix sex-induced heart-pain. He was buried in the front yard, and beautiful vagina flowers grew there. Nine months later, Gohan gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and the whole world was destroyed by the androids soon after.

YASE!


	16. Cell and Frieza

**Disclaimer: If I owned Dragonball Z, the first thing I'd do is have it neutered so that it would be only called "Dragon." Hey, it's shorter and easier to say.**

_Hello, and welcome back. Looks like you're not in enough pain already, I see. Well, let's just fix that. You're going to love this one, folks. I'm back, and with a fucking vengeance. Today's sweet, sweet release into the arms of a willing Death is Cell and Frieza, the android and the alien, the... lizard guy and the... white... purple... tail dude. Yep. The chapter will be a parody of Shoysrock's One-shot rapefic "What Hell Really Feels Like", a name that couldn't possibly be more apt for both that story and this chapter. Please, enjoy._

So, there Frieza was in Hell. Frieza had just gotten his bitch ass smacked into the dirt several times by demons. Yes, those same retarded red and blue guys that couldn't even out smart a post-Raditz Goku. No, that doesn't make any sense. Just go with it, or else you won't get the sweet reptile-on-ET action, you ungrateful plebe.

"I'm lonely..." Frieza muttered, his tail resting next to him with a smiley face on it. "I'm one lonely sociopathic universe-ruling villain."

Frieza stole a glance at his new friend next to him. Then he smiled. "Well, at least I still have you, buddy." Frieza hugged his tail awkwardly, not quite being able to feel any satisfaction from hugging something so slender. In frustration, he tossed his tail aside and pouted.

"Poopy," Frieza snarled. Sitting there for so long, he began to get hungry for crab, which is his favorite food as you might have been able to tell from the Vegeta vs. Frieza fight on Namek. He scanned the endless landscape of hell, the horizon only acting as a place for the eye to stop itself on, carrying behind it more visual information than even the immortal mind could comprehend. Suddenly, Frieza picked up an enormous power level. In the sky, there was a strangely colored dot that he strained his eyes to see. The horrible thing landed. It was...

"Another damn fire clown." Frieza groaned, standing up in preparation to futilely battle with the demon. The fire clowns were a very high class of demon that had red hair that was literally always on fire, clown outfits and clown make up, and they were motherfuckers, let me tell you. The fire clown spent the next two minutes spastically punching Frieza in the face with his flyweight gloved hands, each hit making a humorous honk sound, until the icy ruler of the universe cried. At which point the fire clown left. Frieza got up and dusted himself off, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Well, well, well." A sarcastic, jeering voice called out behind Frieza. He turned around in horror to face none other than Cell.

"_The power level of this green being is half as big as the fire clown's!" _Frieza thought to himself.

"What do you want with me?" Frieza roared out, squeaky voice coarsened by the terrors of hell. Yes, one of the worst of those are the fire clowns.

"Well, Frieza, look at you. You just got beat up by a clown. Aren't you supposed to be a mighty tyrant?" Cell smirked. "My mighty lizard cojones suggest otherwise."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you've got a blue cartoon bandage on your chest! What's that?" Frieza retorted.

"Oh, that..." Cell frowned as he recalled his first ever terrible beating by a lesser demon, the water mime. "Never mind that. Anyway, you dating?"

"What in CHRIST'S NAME?" Frieza echoed the reader's response.

"You've got some mighty nice bread. I think I'll butter it for you." Cell grinned a Quagmire-worthy grin as he stepped closer to the alien he shared cells with.

"Oh, good." Frieza sighed in relief. "I thought you wanted to rape me there for a second. Well, hell doesn't have any butter in it. Sorry."

"You're kind of dumb." Cell got to mere inches away from Frieza's fear-stricken face. "I like it." He breathed into his nose before, for a brief second, giving Frieza the ol' smackaroo on his purple lips. Frieza squealed out in a voice you think of when you hear the word "tutu" and began wildly slapping at Cell while looking away with his eyes shut.

"I want you, Frieza." He hissed, grabbing both of Frieza's arms to stop their pussy assault.

"You... you can't! You can't!" Frieza cried out.

"Oh, my white skinned toy, don't try to resist my-"

"No, I mean you literally cannot rape me." Frieza told him calmly, looking only mildly irritated rather than terrified. "My species reproduces asexually. I have nothing in the way of actual sex parts. I don't even have an anus."

"...Oh, well now that you mention it..." Cell looked at his crotch, letting go of Frieza's arms in the process. "I haven't got a dick. At all. I just have this weird blue outgrowth on my crotch area."

"Anything under it?" Frieza asked casually, just for curiosity's sake.

"No." Cell poked at it. "Nothing there, I guess."

Long awkward pause.

"Well, this is... sure embarrassing." Cell stated to himself.

"You want anything?"

"No, I'm good."

Long awkward pause.

"I'll just head on out of here." Cell sighed, waving to Frieza and flying away.

"See ya." Frieza said back, waving a little. Frieza was sure there was something familiar about the green monster, but there was no time to dawdle on such tawdry affairs, for lo and behold, behind Frieza was standing none other than Android 17. And he DID have a dick...

THE END


	17. Piccolo and Vegeta

**Disclaimer: This cartoon belongs to a person that isn't me.**

_Greetings, and welcome back to another fine installment of eye cancer; the worst fucking pairings you can find anywhere. Today's little chapter is going to use your gag reflex as a punching bag and your brain as a toilet: Piccolo and Vegeta. Now, I haven't read any of the stories that feature this pairing. I know that there is plenty, but I didn't read them. Why? Well, aside from all the obvious reasons, like "sanity," "my childhood," and "the FBI," I wanted to go ahead and speculate this one out. This pairing will be written entirely out of my own head, based off of what I would assume a fanfic with this pair would be like. Please, enjoy._

()()()

It was in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, one week before they were to leave to battle Cell in the outside world, yet one additional week in this other dimension, a dimension of infinite nothingness and radical temperatures. Piccolo and Vegeta had trained vigorously for one week shy of a full year. Their hard, toned muscles heaved against each other in an attempt to overpower their sweat-drenched opponent, the heat sometimes being unbearable and the cold sometimes making their nipples as sharp and deadly as their wits. Excuse me for a second,

*barf noises, hysterical crying, toilet flushing sound*

There, that's better. I just needed a break for some coffee. Anyway, it happened at the end of the day before their last week of training was to begin. They had both sat down for a rare meal together after another rough day of training, their sweaty, glistening faces mirroring the white light of the time chamber. Yeah, Piccolo too. Hey, it sounds pretty, who gives a shit about how physically unsound it is? Pussies care, that's it. If you are a girl reading this, you need to tell your vagina to shut the fuck up about Piccolo's sweaty face mirroring light. Punch the fucker if necessary. Give the old rash a taste of Johnny Five Knuckles. Or four. Whatever. Now, where were we? Ahh, yes. We were at the part I just LOOOOOVE writing more than anything else in the whole wide world.

"Well, Vegeta," Piccolo began in his deep, sexy growl of a voice, "I suppose we've done all that we can to be ready for the battle with Cell."

"Hmph." Vegeta grunted, his black locks weighed down by the gravity of the chamber, much like Piccolo's fucking elf ears. (AHAHAHAH okay that's bullshit his hair is stronger than plexiglass. so are piccolo's fucked up green ears)

"You're a poor conversationalist." Piccolo smirked. "You've made this a very boring year."

"Hmph."

"Hmph."

"...Hmph."

Piccolo and Vegeta looked into each other's eyes across the table, both men's god-awful stinky naked feet almost touching.

"That was weird, finding out that your feet are shaped exactly like your shoes." Vegeta sneered.

"Well, I'm an alien. Not all of us can look completely like human beings."

"Yeah, I noticed that before the feet thing, Namek."

"It's not like you look like any normal human being, with your ridiculous hair-do."

Vegeta suddenly noticed a smell emanating from Piccolo's general area. "What the fuck is that? Have you showered?"

"I don't have sweat glands, I don't need to shower as much as-"

"Have you showered AT ALL this year?" interrupted Vegeta, who leaned forward a little ways.

"Yes."

"Have you ever heard of soap?" Vegeta asked, leaning back again.

"Of course I have. It's..." Piccolo nervously scratched the back of his head, whispering the rest of the sentence to himself.

"I couldn't hear that, green bean." Vegeta mocked, raising his hand up to his ear. Piccolo blushed at what he thought was a cute nickname. His blush only made his cheeks turn even darker green.

"Lactation. I... I am in sort of the mating part of my life..."

"Lactation?" Vegeta stared at the emerald warrior's chest, which was noticably big with the namekian equivalent of milk. "Is that why it smells of pickle juice in here?"

Piccolo blushed even deeper and nodded.

"Well, I also smell shitty." Vegeta said.

"You aren't fucking kidding."

"Let's both just shower together, it'll be quicker."

Big pink stars of gayness immediately appeared in Piccolo's eyes and he grabbed his future boyfriend's gloved hands and dragged him to the shower. They both decided right then to begin phase one of Piccolo's mating cycle. Piccolo lifted his shirt off, revealing his triple-DDD breasts with three-inch nips that freed themselves from the blue cloth with a loud SPROINGGGGGGG. Vegeta drank of his boobie liquids (they tasted exactly like pickle juice) while Piccolo lightly massaged Vegeta's anus muscles with his fingernails. At last. After one year. They had bonded.

At the battlefield later on, Piccolo challenged Super Perfect Cell to a battle upon watching his saiyan lover get bitch-smacked like he was nothing.

"HEY CELL!" Piccolo screamed, lifting his shirt to flash Cell with his pickle tits. Gohan vomited.

"OH YEAH?" Cell screamed back. "WELL, I CAN OUT-DO THAT!" Cell then grabbed Gohan's balls and ravished Gohan's mouth with his three penises. Gohan vomited again. The hotness was too much for Piccolo, and his breasts of juice exploded, tossing the hard nipples in the air to connect with both of Cell's eyes. This gave Gohan the time he needed to destroy Cell for good.

Upon seeing Piccolo dead on the ground, Vegeta cried for the sweet nectar of pickle juice Namek milk.

THE END

Tell me if it was accurate or not.


	18. Gohan and Piccolo

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not my property. Otherwise I'd be yelling at people to get off of it while standing in the doorway of my house wearing a chili-stained wife beater.**

_Greetings, friends, and welcome to the 18__th__ reason that there is no good in the world. This time we're taking a look at the relationship between a green man and his almost-adopted son, and well, it's just a fantastic thing all around. This story is going to take place right after the Majin Buu saga just before Goku and Uub go train on the lookout because fuck that pedophile shit. All of my discerning readers are aware that I have rigorous standards when it comes to morality, right? Okay, here we go._

Gohan's flight up to Kami's Tower that night felt like it took forever. Usually it takes about twelve seconds, but this night it felt almost as long as fifteen seconds. Perspiration oozed from the teenager's saiyan pores and fell all the way to the ground, which Upa and his father were thankful for. They have a flowerbed right next to the tower and they were tired of having to use the nearby water that gets shat in, pissed in and drank out of by both them and the various surrounding wildlife (Goku) to water them. Water costs money nowadays, goddamnit. Now where was I? Oh,

Gohan made it all the way up and snuck over to the castle-like building on the large half-sphere that comprised the top of the tower. However, once going through the doorway, he was immediately spotted.

"Hello, Gohan," smiled Mr. Popo. "What brings you up here?"

Gohan shrieked like his balls got gripped by a bear trap in an alligator's mouth and fell on his ass like a spaz. "Mr. Popo! How did you know I was up here?"

"We can sense power levels. Duh."

Piccolo, sensing Gohan's horrible noise with his big dumb ears, flew to the scene from the other side of the castle.

"Mr. Popo, go out and get some dog food," Piccolo ordered.

"But we don't have a-"

"It's for you."

A dejected Mr. Popo meekly obeyed. Gohan turned to talk to Piccolo after Mr. Popo left.

"Where's Dende at?"

"He was starting to annoy me, so I told him to go find a place where he could be useful. Then he completely vanished from existence."

"…Oh."

"…Yeah."

Gohan smiled a grinch-like smile and walked the distance between him and Piccolo, resting one hand on his chest. "So, ready for our game?"

"I'm never unready."

Piccolo put his hand on top of Gohan's head (not that one, he isn't _that _smooth an operator) and yelled "HRAELHADAAAHHAHH." Gohan's Orange High school uniform slowly turned into a codpiece and a turban. That's it. Just a codpiece with four Orange stars on it and a turban. I'll give you a minute to picture it.

"Oh, Gohan…" Piccolo gasped, staring at his barely-legal boyfriend's blinding sexiness while he took a few steps back so as to be seen in all his glory. At least, Piccolo thought it was sexiness. It was actually whiteness because his shrill, senile harpy of a mother won't let him out of the house except to go to school anymore.

Gohan winked and clasped his hand to his hip, swiveling around like he's about to drunkenly tip over and drown in a puddle of his own hurk in an attempt to look arousing to his green lover. "Like what you see?" "More than you can imagine… but I have another idea, love." Gohan walked back over to Piccolo and standing on his tip-toes whispered into his ear: "Let's see what you got."

Piccolo placed his hand back on Gohan's turbaned head and changed his clothes once again with his mind powers. When Gohan opened his eyes and looked down, he was wearing, cloth for cloth, Mr. Popo's outfit.

"Gah! What the hell, Piccolo?" Gohan asked.

"I'm sorry!" Piccolo returned, holding up his hands defensively. "I guess I had my mind on something else-"

"Yeah, Mr. Popo's big fat ass! You cheating whore!" Gohan kicked Piccolo in the shin, causing the lower half of his leg to go flying across the lookout and off the tower.

Meanwhile…

"Upa, look!" The big Native American who is inexplicably in Japan exclaimed while holding Piccolo's severed leg.

"Excellent, father! We can eat another day!" Upa squealed.

"Yes, now let us have the sex!"

Back on Kami/Dende's lookout, Piccolo had regenerated his lost leg and was trying to talk to Gohan, who had turned his back to him. Unfortunately, this means that Piccolo had to talk in-between bouts of drooling because his eyes were glued to Gohan's ass.

"Listen, Gohan, I'm not cheating on you with Mr. Popo, I swear. He's dating Miley Cyrus!"

Gohan turned to look at the Christmas tree colored man. "Really, Piccolo?"

"Yes!" Piccolo grabbed Gohan's face and briefly slammed their lips together with the force of the Large Hadron Collider's particle beams. "You're the only one for me!"

After making out for another excruciating minute, Piccolo broke it off and said, "Now let me show you what I truly want to see you in." Gohan nodded understandingly, ready for a ride. Piccolo used his clothes beam to render Gohan completely nude, save for his cock which was wearing a turban. Gohan tackled Piccolo, and they fell to the floor, this: (-) close to having sex before Mr. Popo busted in ass-naked.

"Gohan! Piccolo! Why am I naked? What happened? I was just-"

"GET OUT OF HERE, POPO!" Piccolo roared, sending Mr. Popo screaming away from the tower, still completely nude.

"Auggghhh…" Gohan groaned in pain as his penis deflated. Piccolo got out from under Gohan. "What's wrong?"

"I'm never going to be able to get it up again after seeing that, Piccolo…" Gohan moaned, holding his head while his eyes leaked blood.

"You're going to be fine, Gohan!" Piccolo cried out, punching a hole into the floor in frustrated anguish. "Don't talk like that! It wasn't all that horrible!"

"Wasn't all that horrible? HE WAS SMOOTH AND SLIPPERY LIKE A WALRUS!" Gohan sobbed and screamed. "HIS NIPPLES COMPRISED HIS ENTIRE CHEST!"

Piccolo got a sneaky idea and slowly he began to play with Gohan's Son family tradition.

"Piccolo… don't…" Gohan choked out between sobs and moans. But Piccolo kept going. Piccolo wanted this way too fucking much for Gohan to just back out now. Faster and faster he increased his lightspeed pace while Gohan literally squealed just. Like. A. Pig. Until, finally, as Kami's lookout began to fall apart from the sizable force Piccolo was causing, Gohan spilled forth a colony of maggots from his horror stricken penis and he died from the strain. Mr. Popo, now fully accustomed to being nude for the rest of his life, would find Piccolo hanging dead from the ceiling one hour later.

THE END

So, who thinks I should change this story's rating to R?


	19. Goten and Bra

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is a word, so fuck you Microsoft Word spell check. Also, I don't own the TV show.**

_Welcome to our nineteenth condemnation of certain erroneous denizens that make up a part of this fine community. Today, we take on more lovely, lovely pedophilia. Goten, at the end of Dragonball Z, is 17. Bra, or Bulla or whatever the fuck you prefer, is age 4 or 6 depending on the source. I hope I spelled all this stuff I typed out right through the VOMIT I JUST COATED MY SCREEN WITH. So yeah, Bra will be age 6 in this story, because while 6 is pretty disgusting, 4 registers a few more digits on the "proof God isn't real" meter. Enjoy._

A week after the end of that year's World Martial Arts Tournament, a young man with long and unruly hair stepped out of his off-white van with the words 'FREE CANDY' spray-painted on both sides with a bouquet of roses in his trembling hand. He stood before the home of the CEO of Capsule Corp., a place he had been many times already over the course of his young life to hang out with his old friend, Trunks. It was a somewhat intimidating place; at least it was in this instance, but not for reasons of aesthetic. Odd; that it wasn't so much the large stature of the place as it was the small thing, rather person, which it held within like a candy-coated center.

Goten pushed through the doors of Bulma and Vegeta's home, the flowers in his hand becoming crushed by his tense Super Saiyan grip. He just _had _to see her now. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He saw Bulma's mom in the other room. "Hey!"

She turned and smiled, greeting Goten with her heavy and inexplicable Brooklyn accent (Joey Wheeler, anyone?). "Oh, hi sweetheart! What brings you hea'?"

"I need to see your granddaughter," said Goten with a forcefulness that was more or less unintentional.

"Oh, Bulla? She's down the hall in the training room with her father."

Goten was shocked. She was just a six-year-old girl and Vegeta was already training her? That time could be better spent having an upstanding boy like himself take her out on a romantic outing like most normal six-year-old girls get to go on! Also, who the fuck was Bulla?

Goten took off down the hall with a new found sense of purpose, throwing a short "thanks, ma'am" over his shoulder.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! "Vegeta, I'm here to see your daughter!"

"Kakarot's boy?" came Vegeta's angry response from the other side of the gravity room door. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to Bra!"

"She's busy training! Maybe you should leave and busy yourself with the same!"

Goten thought for a little while, since he knew he couldn't take Vegeta in head-to-head. Finally, he got a good idea. "Hey, Vegeta, Pan's says she's pregnant! You'd better go talk to- OWWW!"

Goten was interrupted by Vegeta slamming the door open right into hisface and flying off like a rocket through the ceiling towards Gohan's house. Goten walked into the gravity room and saw Bra doing push-ups in 500 times normal gravity. He couldn't help but pant a little as she moved up and down… up and down…

"Geez. She's going to end up being a Super Saiyan one year before I did…" Goten tapped on her shoulder. "Hey, Bra!"

"Oh, hi Goten!" Bra said, standing up to talk to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to take you out for a little while, Bra," Goten said gently. "Does that sound cool to you?"

"Uh huh!" Bra nodded. "But I'd have to ask my mommy first!"

"Your mom's just fine with it, I already asked." Goten walked over to the door way and motioned Bra to follow him. "Let's go!"

The two half-saiyans stepped into Goten's candy van. "I… heh," Goten festered and fumbled over his words as his six-year-old crush gave him odd looks from the passenger seat. "I didn't know what to wear, so I hope this is okay…" He was wearing Goku's outfit.

"I don't care!" Bra smiled.

"Heh… t-that's good." Goten peeled out onto the street and drove, way above the speed limit by the way, to a nearby park.

"Hey, d-do you like milk duds?" asked Goten.

"Yeah! I had them once at a movie theater! They were yummy!"

"Heh… okay…" Goten handed her a box. Bra ripped it open and began to shove the candy into her mouth. "Bra, wait!"

She paused. "What?"

"C-Could you eat them one at a time? Slowly?"

Bra pouted. "Why?"

"Just- just for me. As a favor. They taste better that way, I promise."

Bra reluctantly did what the older saiyan instructed her to do. Still, it wasn't enough for him. "You know what makes them the best, Bra?"

"What?"

Goten leaned toward the girl, expression becoming increasingly more excited. "If you run each one along your lips before you eat them…"

"What? Goten, that's stupid! You're stupid!" Bra yelled.

"I am not stupid!" Goten whined back.

"Yeah, you are! Nyeh!" Bra stuck her tongue out and crossed her arms, choosing to look away from him and out the window. She turned her head around after a few seconds only to see Goten with his head pressed against the scuffed up steering wheel weeping to himself.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Don't cry! Please?"

"No, no Bra…" Goten sniffed. "It's just that… I've had such a crummy run of luck lately with relationships and I'm scared of losing you and… (sob, sob) If I lose you, I'm going to be a wreck! I have to make this work!"

"…You wanna swing?"

Goten's eyes cleared up and he lifted his head, showing Bra a smile. "Yes. Yes, I would."

SO THEY DID! Goten pushed Bra on the swing set while trying his damnedest to avoid letting Bra accidentally hit him in the dick on the comeback. He then took her over to the animals on springs to bounce and rock back and forth, getting on behind her and mustering the fullest depths of his will to not blow a load in his pants. It was sunset, and Goten and Bra sat down on a bench nearby, giggling over the fun they had just had.

"That was fun!" Bra exclaimed. "I want to do this every day!"

"Yeah…" Goten sighed. With his hands held behind his head, he looked a lot like his father, though his hair was long and matted. "This is easily the best date I've ever been on…"

"Date?" Bra face faulted. "What's that?"

Goten sat up, looking hurt. "Didn't you know this was a date?"

"What's a date?"

"It's… what we just had."

"Well, I like dates, then!"

"You do? Really?"

"Yeah!"

Goten couldn't stop himself anymore, he lunged on to Bra and mashed his lips against hers. She let out a muffled scream and pummeled Goten's junk with her boot-clad feet. He fell to the ground, squeaking and whimpering.

"Bra… why…?"

Bra kicked Goten in the face in response, knocking him out good. She knelt down, taking all 34 dollars out of Goten's wallet. Vegeta, having sensed his daughter's brief (haha pun) burst of energy, landed down right beside her.

"Here's all his money, daddy!" Bra said happily. Vegeta took the money out of his daughter's hand and, looking at Goten with no remorse whatsoever present on his face, grinned evilly.

"Pwned."

THE END


	20. BLOWOUT EXTRAVAGANZA

**Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is not my prop- FUCK IT WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! **

_WE ARE ABOUT TO GET SO ROCKED RIGHT NOW THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE GOING TO INVENT A TIME MACHINE, GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP THEIR YOUNGER SELVES FROM FUCKING SO THAT THEY WON'T HAVE TO COWER BEFORE YOUR MAJESTIC ROCKED-NESS IN THE PRESENT! PAIRINGS SO FUCKED UP THAT SATAN HIMSELF WILL CRAWL OUT OF HELL AND SAY "NOT IN MY BACKYARD" BEFORE RIPPING A BABY'S HEAD OFF AND RAPING IT IN THE NECK HOLE!_

_**ARE YOU FUCKING EXTREME ENOUGH? I SAID ARE YOU FUCKING EXTREME ENOUGH?**__  
_

_IT'S BLOWOUT EXTRAVAGANZA TIME! LET'S GO!_

**PUAR AND OOLONG!**

Oolong pursed his lips together under his snout, staring off into space as he wondered how he would break the news to her that the pregnancy had… some flaws, to put it lightly.

The pig knew all along that the baby wasn't going to be quite right, but in his lack of wisdom he let it go through just on a vain hope that the biology would work itself out. No living being had ever been more wrong before in the entirety of existence…

"Say, Puar," began Oolong as he and his wife, Puar, stood on the other side of a glass window through which one could see several newborn babies, "I'm no negative nancy or anything, but maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring a mixed-species child into this world."

Puar, who was in a wheel chair, gasped. "Oolong, how could you say that?"

"Well…" Oolong lifted up Puar a little bit so she could see their baby through the glass.

Puar gaped, unable to avert her eyes because the horror was so overpowering that everything surrounding it had turned to black in her eyes. The baby, if one could at all describe it in human terms, was a lovecraftian horror of highest proportions, bleeding constantly out of every orifice, a creature with no identity begging for death, communicating to his parents the endless suffering it feels at every nanosecond with its eyes, because his mouth could not create sound.

Puar vomited everywhere and died, taking her grief stricken husband with her.

THE END.

**YAMCHA AND TIEN!**

Once upon a time, the bees were buzzing, the birds were chirping and Yamcha and Tien were fucking under a waterfall.

"I sure do love this, Tien," Yamcha said, while he fucked a turkey with a crude hole cut into it.

"I do too, but…" Tien trailed off, slowing down the pace he was using to fuck a honey baked ham.

"Well, I sometimes wish it were a living thing writhing under me right now. Screaming out as I fucked it… yeah, that'd be amazing…"

"I know, Tien, but we don't relate to anybody except each other anymore… even Chiaotzu's been through some odd changes."

Tien stopped. "You know, we're both living beings…"

"Yeah, and?"

"I just wish I were that turkey right now, if you know what I mean…"

Yamcha stopped, tears forming in his eyes. He threw down the turkey and tackled Tien to the ground.

"You don't know how long I waited for you to say that…"

Tien smiled, his third eye winked at the other warrior. And Yamcha knew what that meant. That's right:

Tea time.

Then dude sex.

Yamcha was mildly disturbed by the appearance of Tien's penis, probably because there was an eyeball hiding inside the urethra, but that didn't stop Yamcha from taking it into his mouth. The joy that Yamcha and Tien felt at that moment when the penis landed on Yamcha's tongue was the happiest either of them had ever felt since they were young children…

Then Launch showed up and shot Yamcha through the soft part of his head, destroying Tien's dick in the process.

THE END!

**TRUNKS AND CHICHI!**

"Hey, Trunks, did you come over to check up on Goku?"

"Yeah," Trunks nodded at Yamcha. "I wanted to make sure Goku was doing okay before I checked out the battlefield."

Yamcha's cheeriness vanished from his face and a look of deadly seriousness took over. He nodded and stepped outside to tell Trunks that he'd go check the fight for him. Trunks was reluctant to let a weaker fighter like Yamcha go back out there, but he agreed.

"Who're you?" Chi-Chi screamed at Trunks from the kitchen. Trunks realized that Chi-Chi hadn't even met him yet. "I'm from the future… The one who gave you guys the heart medicine?"

"Oh," Chi-Chi relaxed, walking from her pot of stew to get a better look at the half-saiyan from another age. "When is that heart medicine supposed to work?"

"It takes some time."

"Do you think we gave him enough?"

"Plenty. You don't have to give Goku quite as much because he's so much stronger than the average person that contracts the virus."

"Good." Chi-Chi stood closer to Trunks. "I'm glad you gave this to us. It must be horrible to not have Goku around in your time…"

Trunks turned his head away and nodded. "It's awful."

They stood there for what felt like an eternity. Finally, their lips met. Next thing they knew, they were fucking on top of Goku's unconscious body. Goku woke up with Trunks' bare ass on his face and, with fury enough to overcome his sickness, incinerated them both in mid-coitus and left them smoldering on the bed as a fire from Chi-Chi's neglect of her stew burned everything down around him. Goku smiled and, before he died, uttered this phrase: "Skip to my lou for the FINAL TIME, motherfuckers."

THE END!

**CHIAOTZU AND GENERAL TAO!**

General Tao sat up and let out a loud yawn, not quite recognizing his surroundings but strangely comfortable in them. He could feel that he was nude under the blankets, but it was so cold this winter… he could only stay under them.

He didn't like feeling this vulnerable, yet it refused to stop pulling him into the dregs of something he had hated since he first became an assassin… complacency.

After all, that was the reason he jumped onto the idea of having his shredded body replaced with robotic parts after his battle with Goku to begin with. He had it done under the pretense that becoming a relative freak show would be the final nail into any attempt to settle down and call some place home.

Tao jumped at a noise coming from the other side of the dimly-lit room. The door appeared to have opened by itself, but after a split second Tao looked down and noticed a little pale-looking… boy or man or something, wearing nothing but underwear and holding a platter.

"Morning, hon," Chiaotzu whispered quietly, closing the door behind him. "I made breakfast."

"What…" began General Tao in abject horror, "did we do last night?"

"We made love." Chiaotzu responded matter-of-factly.

"Oh, God, no!"

"Yes!" Chiaotzu's now-demonic voice bellowed out, startling Tao. "Gaze upon your penis for proof!"

Tao, whimpering in fear, shakily began to remove the bed sheet as he gazed into the seemingly bottomless now-red eyes of the thing he had rowdy, drunken sex with last night. Chiaotzu became impatient after mere seconds and pulled it off the bed.

What greeted Tao was an albino penis with a black hat and two red marks on both sides of the head.

"THE TRANSFORMATION HAS BEGUN!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

THE END!

**ANDROID 18 AND KRILLIN!**

**OH, WAIT, THAT'S CANON…**

**ANDROID 18 AND NAPPA!**

Android 18 sighed with glee as her fingers caressed the bald head of her lover in heaven. "How did you make it up here anyway, Nappa?"

"Did some lawn work," Nappa said simply. His voice was muffled by Android 18's lap, where his face lay as she massaged his head.

"I could rub this head all day, you know…" Android 18's silk voice whispered into Nappa's ear. "I… I can't even imagine stopping."

"You must have some kind of fetish or something… 'course, you won't hear me complaining…"

"Yeah, I love bald heads… my husband used to have one until he grew his stupid hair out."

"Your husband?" Nappa shot up from 18's lap. "You're married? We can't do this!"

"Why not?" 18's once smooth voice became icy. She glared with Nappa with determined and ferocious intensity.

"It's against the Saiyan code of honor to take a mate that's already taken!"

18 stomped her foot clear through the ground. "I'm not going to let your stupid saiyan pride get in the way of that beautiful head!"

Before Nappa could prepare to defend himself, 18 delivered a solid punch to Nappa's gut, crippling him. The only thing that stopped Nappa from dying was the fact that he had already. 18 allowed him to fall on the ground in intense pain before sitting on his back and roughly clutching the weak fighter's shiny head. Her hands took the head and, attempting to experience as much feeling as possible from what she'd fallen in love with, inadvertently crushed it, leaving him alive but no longer capable of doing anything but bleeding and experiencing horrifying pain. Bored with Nappa's now unattractive head, she walked away to go chit-chat with Chi-Chi.

THE END!

**HERCULE AND YAJIROBE!**

Yajirobe's flowing gown was the only thing obscuring the most beautiful full moon Hercule had ever seen in his entire life as he stared at him from their bed, the other man looking over the balcony. And by "full moon," Hercule was thinking of Yajirobe's fat, naked, protruding death-scented ass.

"Have I shown you my statuette that I was given for taking the credit for killing Cell four years ago?" Hercule asked, ego getting in the way of his horniness.

"Yeah, dude," Yajirobe turned to face Hercule. "Have I shown you the sword I used to take down Vegeta nearly ten years back?"

"Shown it to me? Why, I've never had a more satisfying sexual experience with a sword in all my years!" Hercule gushed. Both literally and figuratively.

The lovers became quiet again, relaxing their worn and spongy bodies. They tried not to think too much about what they had been doing to each other for the past three days, because it would just make them want to do more. They felt like they were completely strained and out of energy, and yet the damned spirit would not stop being willing.

"You know, I think I can take the credit for us simultaneously orgasming the last time we 69ed," stated Yajirobe.

"No way! That was all me!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Hercule crossed his arms and met Yajirobe at the balcony. "You're full of crap, which is weird because I gave you a hot water enema while masturbating you earlier today!"

Yajirobe suddenly grinned. "Let's have a rematch then… to decide who can take the credit."

"Oh, yeah…"

They began to make out in front of the real full moon.

THE END!

**VIDEL AND GOTEN!**

THUD! THUD! THUD! Videl attacked the punching bag endlessly, pushing her own limits and perhaps even the limits that no other human being had ever managed to break before. At least, she told herself that.

The punches and kicks seemed to connect with a pounding rhythm that somehow made them more amazing to listen to than just a flurry of punches and kicks from another trained professional. Videl's focus on keeping a steady beat allowed her mind to think freely and contemplate the day she'd had. A black-haired guy kept creeping into her mind and it was all she could to just to not lose herself in her own fantasies. It was little things like a bead of sweat falling down onto her headband from her hair that reminded her that there was a world outside the love of her life…

As usual, the punching bag eventually busted open and out fell Goten among the sand wearing nothing but a black leather thong and nipple clamps.

Videl nodded with satisfaction watching the little boy get up and start playing with the nipple clamps like he had been doing all day. "Okay, we're done with that part, now on to…"

"NO! You promised that we would get ice cream after doing this!" Goten whined. "Come on, I've been doing your chores all day, and they don't even make any sense! You still won't answer why I had to let you handcuff and hit me with a whip for two hours!"

"Okay, okay," laughed Videl. "I guess you've done enough for me today. I got some good pictures for tonight. Are you ready to get that ice cream?"

"Yeah!"

So they walked out of the gym together, a misfit duo fading away into the wild blue with a hundred others…

THE END!

_Well guys, it's been a long ride. Too long, just for twenty short chapters. I remember posting this old thing four years ago today, a spry and cynical high school kid with an urge to write really gross stuff for the entertainment of other people. At last, the vision I had of creating all 20 chapters is finished, and I gotta say, I'm probably going to burn in hell for five eternities._

_Aw, whatever. I don't regret a thing. Anyway, I may be done with this one, but I'm not ready to retire my pairings of the apocalypse yet. I've been perusing the Yu-Gi-Oh section of this website for a little while, and the cannon fodder over there is ripe as hell folks, believe me. Along with that, I might come back and do a few more Dragonball Z pairings some day, but I feel like I've exhausted a nice chunk of them already, so I'll definitely wait a good while for that._

_Bottom line: Sayonara, thank you for reading and reviewing, and look forward to Yu-Gi-Oh Pairings of the Apocalypse sometime._

_Oh, yeah, and **WERE YOU FUCKING EXTREME ENOUGH?**  
_


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